


A human with two wings

by Akkaman



Category: Ackerman - Fandom, Rivetra - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, PetraxLevi, rivetra
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akkaman/pseuds/Akkaman
Summary: Petra is trying to handle her unrequited love for Captain Levi, is it a one-sided love as she thinks it to be though? A Rivetra story especially for those who have missed Petra a lot.
Relationships: LevixPetra, Rivetra - Relationship
Comments: 34
Kudos: 84





	1. Dear Reader (Not a Chapter)

Dear readers (if any), 

The reason why I’m writing this book is because I wanted to remember Petra in my own way. There are a lot of aspects that I wish we could see of her but her early death prevented that I guess. 

Therefore, This story will be more of a Petra story. It displays many sides of her. The brave solider, the loving daughter, the caring comrade, the mistakes she would make and more importantly, her love for the Captain, Levi Ackerman. Also, I might have included many scenes of Squad Levi because I love them so much. 

I want to mention that this is my first time writing and English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes made.

Thank you for reading!


	2. First Meeting

**Petra’s POV**  


“Visit me again whenever you have time. “ My father said while giving me a hug. “Please take care of yourself.”

“You too papa. I will pay you a visit once we’re back I promise.“ I replied hugging him even tighter.  


I waved at him and made my way to the nearby stable where I left my horse earlier. The streets are oddly crowded today. It must be the flea markets. Street vendors are everywhere shouting to get their products promoted meanwhile children are rushing around laughing and annoying the garrison soldiers serving at the area. The weather is so beautiful, it’s fall already. Golden leaves have swept the streets as a reminder of what earth has given us in the harvest months. I can wonderfully sense the changes in the air and it’s giving me those cozy homely vibes. I love autumn, the season of inner calm; properly my favorite time of the year. The cool air was playing with my hair exposing my face to gentle sunbeams when a pair of small hands were wrapped around my waist and a familiar voice called.  


“Petra san!!”  


I turned my head just to see smiley Luke hugging me from behind.  


“Luke?! Look at you! You have grown so much bigger” I said to the little kid as I squatted down smiling at him.  


“Petra san, I missed you” He said. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”  


“Aw I missed you too. I’m sorry but I was so busy lately.” I replied. I used to see Luke sometimes when I come to the town. However lately I haven’t had enough time and might as well haven’t paid enough visits to my father which makes me feel guilty as hell.  


“I made an important decision though that I want to let you know of.” He said pulling a serious face on.

“What is it? “ I said back adjusting my tone to make him feel taken seriously. 

“I want to become a strong solider like you in the future. To save children and humanity.” He replied and pressed his hand on his chest mimicking our salute. 

“Well, I’m sure you will be one of a great solider Luke” I said giggling. He must be taken back by all of the cool stories about the survey corps. 

“Unfortunately I need to go now but sure I will see you around right?” I stood up and gave him a pat on the head as he nodded and waved at me.

I finally reached the stable and got onto my horse off to the barracks. I didn’t waste time and went directly to my room to pack some of the important things I will be needing outside the walls, then just to make sure my ODM gear was all set up properly and filled with gas. After I finished preparing myself, I went to the kitchen to check up on the boys but no one was there. Maybe they were still getting ready for the expedition tonight. I had no choice but to wait for their arrival, I made myself a cup of tea and sat on my usual spot waiting for them. The place was so quiet without their being. It actually helped me to dive into my thoughts. 

Meeting Luke this morning brought me back so much memories that warm my heart. It was about 4 years ago since I saved his life.  


**Flash Back**

Today is the day. Squad leaders will be finally evaluating our skills. Each one of them is supposed to select their own subordinates in order to construct the special operation teams of the corps regiment. It’s been 3 weeks since I made my choice of joining the survey corps. Although I made enough points to be able to pick the Military police instead, but the idea of exploring world outside the walls has pushed me for it. This might not be the only reason however, I’ve always looked up to Captain Levi Ackerman. I’ve heard a lot about his heroic stories killing titans off. He was fast to become Erwin commander’s best trusted solider then later humanity’s strongest solider. Knowing all this about him made me wanting to join his team and work under his command. I was lowkey working hard for it all the time.  
After taking a quick shower I brushed my hair, put on my uniform looking as fresh as I can just to work my way to the forests where the evaluations will take place. I didn’t want to be late to this important event so I decided to take a shortcut to avoid the crowdedness of the city.  


I still can’t believe I will get to meet Captain Levi shortly. I had only seen him once, he was riding his horse alongside with Erwin Smith. The fact that he will be assessing me gives me stomach ache. Will I be good enough to the point of grabbing his attention today? What if I didn’t meet his standers? I could end up in Hange’s team or Mike’s or even worse. I could be excluded if none approved me to be ready to go outside the walls. 

“PLEASE HELP “someone screamed interrupting my thoughts.  


It wasn’t clear where did the voice come from but I wasn’t delusional, I could swear I heard a woman crying for help. I stopped right in the place and examined the remote area to figure out the source of the cry. I gasped when I recognized a house burning down in between the giant trees and an old woman lying on the ground outside the house crying for help. I rushed into her direction and hopped off my horse to pull her away to safe area. “Ma’am are you okay?” I asked.  


“My grandson ... Luke. He’s stuck in there” she said. “You’re a solider please help him“ she begged in between coughs while grabbing my collar. “ He’s only four years old.”  


_Shit._ I had no other choice but to jump into the house searching for the child. 

“LUKE” I screamed while covering my mouth with my elbow. “Can you hear me?” 

A deadly cocktail of hot gases were rising up off the flames with the heated air which made it harder to breath. I looked in the kitchen and rooms but he was nowhere to be found. The place was so hot and I could barely see where I was stepping. I called his name again and again until I heard small cries coming from under a table. I ran toward the child and held him up. 

“Don’t worry I’m here to help you. It’s over I promise. Your nana is waiting for you” I reassured him as he wrapped his hands around my neck tightly.  


The fire got even more intense and the smoke became unbearable. I heard an explosion in the kitchen and more chunks of wood started falling off the ceiling. I was trying to reach the door out without touching the flames or allowing Luke to get hurt, both of us were coughing and gasping for air. It was a few steps outside but right when we were supposed to get out, a burning slab of wood started falling into our direction. I couldn’t avoid it but I repulsed it with my arm to prevent it from smashing Luke’s head. I felt the hot flames burning the fabric reaching to my flesh. I ran faster outside the house and put Luke down to take off my jacket. I winced in pain and realized that my hand was heavily injured.  


In a few minutes, people and military police started coming by for help after they had detected a thick burning smoke in the air. I made sure Luke was safe with his grandma and stormed off to the forests. I was super late, and with my injury I doubt they will allow me to perform. I had ash stains all over my uniform and probably on my face. Most of my jacket was ripped off and burned, my hand was red and swollen. I don’t know if I was bleeding too but I sure was coughing my lungs out.  


When I arrived. Everyone was lined up with the squad leaders and Dita Ness standing in front of them. There was no way I could sneak in without them noticing me or my appearance.  


“RED HEAD !” Ness called me with a surprised look on his face. ““You’re late .. and looking like shit. You must have an explanation.” He was eyeing me from head to foot.  


Everyone shifted their gazes at me. _Including him._ I felt my heart sink in. Our first meeting was not supposed to be anything like this. I looked everywhere but at his direction. I didn’t want to meet his eyes, the whole situation was already embarrassing for me.  


“I apologize for being late Sir! There was a house on fire a few miles away from here. I had to stop by for help until the military police arrived.” I justified after saluting them ignoring the pain in my hand.  


“Arm looks really bad Ral. Do you think you will be able to join us today?” Ness asked. I was pretty surprised he asked, I thought he will kick me as soon as he sees me.  


I exploited the chance and said “Yes Sir. I’m doing fine. It’s minor, nothing I can’t handle.”  
Not preforming today means being excluded till next year. I can’t give it up now after all the hard work I have done for the past few months.  


“Fine. Take two minutes to fix it up and join your comrades.” Ness commanded.  


“Yes Sir.” I said loudly and left before the two minutes he granted me finish. This was another chance for me and it’s the last one. I can’t mess it up no matter what.  


Thankfully I was able to find some water to wash my face and wound with. My hand was in massive pain but I wrapped it up with some sort of rag and lined along with my mates waiting for my turn.  


-After 5 hours-  


“Alright everyone. Grab your belongings and meet us in the barracks in two hours for results” Ness informed us. “Oi and make sure to take shower we don’t want rusty asses there.” Everyone laughed at his statement as they started to leave.  


Just like everyone else, I got back to the hostel to change and shower; where I was finally able to let my tears out. I only killed one out of the three titan figures they set up for me. My hand was so swollen and in pain that I couldn’t control the 3d maneuver gear as I usually do. All of the cadets managed to kill at least two out of the three figures. They were great soldiers looking ready for the expeditions however I, I had a zero chance that Captain Levi would choose me over them because simply, in his eyes, I don’t deserve it.  


I never thought my dream would readily collapse that way. I have always put it up in much different conditions. I have got a lump in my throat and it makes it hard for me to breathe or speak. I was so upset and heartbroken that I can’t even feel the pain in my hand anymore.  


I put on my spare clean uniform after taking a shower and went to the medics. The doctor gave me some herbal mixture to apply it on and cleaned up my blisters and wound then to wrap it up with sterile gauze. He offered me some pain killers but I refused to take them and made my way to the hall.  


I was pretty bummed out. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone or answering their questions so I avoided them all. I might be a hero for Luke’s family but in the eyes of everyone here I also was the idiot who managed to lose the position most soldiers aspire to and before even competing for it. After all, I got myself injured on selections day. However, there’s no way on earth that I regret what I did. I’m glad I saved an innocent soul and would definitely do it again without thinking twice. Even if it means losing the opportunity of being next to Captain Levi. But still, I was so emotional and I couldn’t prevent myself from feeling so down and frustrated.

“SOLDIERS. LINE UP. NOW” Ness shouted as he made an entrance with the squad leaders. We did as he ordered. 

“Ladies and gentlemen. It was my pleasure training all of you for the past three weeks. You did a great job today. Serve well for the rest of your lives.” Ness gave his small speech and we saluted him to express gratitude.

“Captain Levi. Would you like to start off by announcing the names of your subordinates?” Ness asked the Captain. 

He nodded at him and took one step forward. We saluted again. My breath was speeding up and my heart protested against my ribs. 

“I have found it enough to choose only four of you.” He stated. 

“Eld Jinn” He called out the first name. 

Eld was brilliant today. He killed off three titans with least possible amount of gas. 

“Oluo Bozado.” 

Even though he is so fond of himself and a pain in the ass but he is a good fighter. I can see why the Captain selected him as well. 

Then announced next “Gunther Schultz”.

He’s one of the nicest guys here but when it comes to titans, I bet he will rip them off. All of them were elite. I wasn’t surprised at all. 

“It’s fine. Even if you weren’t hand-picked by any of the squad leaders you can always go back home and spend time together with Father.” I whispered to myself and looked down at my feet ready to hear out the last name. 

“Petra Ral”

Everything froze around me. It’s like the world has stopped running for a while and decided to take a rest. Did I hear that right? He really said my name didn’t he? 

I lifted my head up and looked at him. I had one question. _Why?_

It took Hange and Mike a few minutes to set up their teams then we all headed to the stem hall for dinner. Each squad had gathered on different tables with their leaders except for Captain Levi who went to the commander’s office. I had to explain to my comrades about what happened in details while eating, they were deeply concerned for me and I appreciated their kind words. I couldn’t enjoy dinner with them though, pain started to flare up across my body again and my hand started throbbing. I left a bit early back to the medics to get the pain killers I rejected before. Thereafter I wanted to rest in my new room that they offered me here in the barracks. Although I am so delighted by the results but I can’t celebrate all night, my body deserves some rest. I took up the stairs to the second floor where it probably was. And just when I was about to go down the corridor I heard a voice behind me.

“How’s your arm doing Ral?” It was him. My heart thundered against my chest in response. 

I turned back immediately to show some respect and said; “Its fine Sir. Thank you” 

“S-sir I- w-wanted to talk to you actually.” I carried on before he would leave. He gave me his attention as a sign for me to spill it out.

My throat was so dry and I lost my words for a moment, it was officially the first time I ever speak to him; “C-captain um,, today I only killed one and I-I probably wasn’t the best at maneuvers. W-why would you choose someone like me?”

He frowned at me. “Don’t get me wrong captain it’s not like I don’t appreciate your decisi-“ 

“Tch” He cut me off shaking his head. “Listen up Ral, I don’t give two fucks about the number of statues you destroyed. You saved a child today am I right?” he asked with a demanding voice.

“Yes sir.” I answered with low tone and looked away again.

“There are people out there who would freeze in such situations. But you were brave enough to risk your life for humans and that what it takes you to become a good solider.“ He said in hurry but continued; “That doesn’t mean you can neglect your safety of course, protecting yourself is a part of being a good solider, otherwise you won’t be able to serve. But before anything, you should learn how to trust yourself.” He kept going. “I have seen men dying in the battle felid because of self-distrust.” 

I felt tears in my eyes but I forced them back in. I didn’t say anything back or even look at him. 

“Besides, I’m experienced enough to recognize how skillful you actually are. If it wasn’t on that injury you’d perform ten times better. You’re in my team because you earned it.” He praised me. I couldn’t say anything again, I was probably looking like a complete fool in front of him when he stepped closer.

“Look at me.” He ordered and I obeyed. I felt electricity the moment our eyes met. 

“You’re my subordinate now. I don’t have an intention to regret my decision but more importantly. Don’t make yourself regret it.” He said with a soft voice. “All settled up now?”

“I won’t. Thank you Captain.” I thanked him.  


He nodded and made his way up the stairs to the third floor. “Don’t show me your face until you’re totally healed. I won’t be easy on you in the field” He said without stopping or looking back.  


“Yes Sir. Good Night Sir.” I said smiling at myself.  
I won’t be exaggerating if I said I feel like my heart will explode. I forgot all the tiredness and searched for some paper and ink in my room. I put the candle on the small table and wrote down. 

_Papa,  
I’m writing you to deliver some good news.  
Although my day didn’t go as planned but I want to let you know that I made it successfully to Captain Levi Ackerman’s team. He appreciated my skills and said I was a brave solider to earn this position.  
Dad... He really is the great man and leader I imagined him to be. I’m so happy I will be serving under his command.  
I have decided to devote myself to him and become the solider of his expectations.  
Don’t worry about me. I will keep writing you as always.  
My love,  
Petra._  


**End of Flashback* 

“EARTH TO PETRA” Oluo screamed into my face making me jump out. 

“Can’t you just act like a normal human being for once?” I snapped at him. 

“Don’t get started you two” Gunther said looking at both of us pleading. 

I rolled my eyes at him and asked: “Are you guys all ready? Shall I inform Captain Levi we’re ready yet?” 

“That’s what we have been trying to tell you but you were too busy day dream--“ Oluo said. “Yes we are, Petra.” Eld replied shutting him up. 

“Alright then I will let the Captain know.” I said as I got up and went upstairs then down the corridor heading to the Captain’s office.

I knocked on the door before him telling me to come in. “Come in Ral.” I wonder how he would always manage to know it’s me, not once he was mistaken.

I stepped inside and saluted him first. He was sitting on his chair doing some paper work required for the expedition. The sunrays were sneaking into the room and making its way on his face and hands. He looked so handsome as usual with some of his hair touching the corners of his eyes and his heavenly smell in the air. 

“I’m here to inform you that we’re ready Sir.” I notified him. 

He lifted his head up and looked at me in the eyes. “Good. Be on the walls at 6. I don’t want any of you getting late. Is that clear?” He ordered. 

“Yes Sir.” I answered back. I saluted him again and just when I was about to get out he called me. 

“Petra.” 

“Yes Sir?” I turned at him. 

“How is your father?” He asked me while examining the papers he held. 

His question took me by surprise. Not that he doesn’t care about his soldiers. He always checks up on us. He even knows that I tend to visit my father before each expedition but I didn’t expect him to remember that detail now considering all the work he has to do. 

“He’s doing great Captain. Thank you for asking” I replied back and he didn’t say anything else. 

Suddenly I felt the need to thank him for what he did for me years ago. For believing in me and giving me the push I needed back then. 

“Captain.. I actually want to say something else.”

“I’m listening.” He replied with his usual cold tone without looking away from the papers.

“I saw Luke today when I was in the town. He said he wanted to become a solider” I said. 

He just hummed and grabbed another paper to look at in confusion. He looks adorable whenever he is busy with the all of the paper work commander Erwin be giving him. I was forcing myself not to smile. 

“Thank you Captain for believing in me that day and for being the great leader you are.” I said honestly even though I know he hates it when he’s praised.  


“OOOii quit the jabbering I need to finish those. Get out. NOW” He said in frustration as if he wasn’t listening.  


“Good Luck with that Sir” I said giggling and rushed outside before he would give me cleaning work to do for laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to publish my first chapter. I hope you liked it. I will update in two weeks.  
> Thanks so much for reading !


	3. One-Sided Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, 
> 
> I'm so happy some of you actually read the first chapter. Here's the second one as promised and I will be updating in two weeks. 
> 
> I actually liked writing this Chapter, thinking about what Petra might have felt and suffered from...  
> Let me know if you like it too. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

**Petra’s POV**

We arrived at the castle a while ago now. Everyone is so busy with the cleaning work Captain Levi ordered us to do. 

“Oi Lauda. What is your commanding officer up to?” Oluo asked Lauda. 

“I don’t know. We will see when she calls us up for a meeting.” She shrugged. 

In fact, this was not one of our monthly expeditions that are usually led by Commander Erwin. This mission only took place after Hange was finally able to get the commander’s approval for capturing titans by the help of our team, for scientific experiments. 

“ugh .. She will get us killed with her crazy obsession with titans.” Oluo whined. 

“Oi Oluo. Everything section commander Hange has done is in humanity’s favor. You ought to appreciate her efforts more.” Moblit snapped at Oluo and before the latter had the chance to respond and start a fight, the Captain walked into the room “Enough brats with all the noise” He said. “Hange is waiting downstairs.” 

We tidied up the rooms quickly and gathered at her study in ten minutes as she started expounding. 

“Alright everyone. Since Erwin’s not the biggest fan of this mission, we only have two days to get the work done.” Hange said. “The operation will embark on tonight. As we know the titans usually don’t move around at night so our first task will be finding a lone titan. Once one is detected, two of you will watch it until the sun rises. I don’t want it killed immediately because we will surround it the very next day. I need to see how it will react to different stimuli like fire and arrows during a fight.” She continued with a serious tone. “You must understand this is very important for the development of new weapons so I expect everyone to stick to my instructions.” 

“Of course no one is allowed to die. Your safety comes as a priority.” Captain Levi interrupted her and she nodded in agreement. 

“After I get enough information we will kill it off and come back to the castle to discuss the next task. Is there any question?” She asked while we split up to get ready. 

It didn’t take us long to locate a lone titan. Oluo and I found one in between the enormous trees which is perfect, considering how easy it is for us to use the ODM gear there. After that, we made it to the spot where everyone was supposed to meet at to exchange information and let Hange know of it. 

“GREAT JOB team Levi.” Hange said in her usual excited voice. “Why don’t you two observe it for the night then?” She said looking at Levi for his approval. 

“Fuck no! It’s so dark. They will be in imminent danger if it attacks. I have to be there.” Captain Levi said.

“But...” Hange said and he cut her off “No buts four eyes.”  
“Petra. You and I will watch over it and if something like this happens, you don’t move I will finish it off.” He demanded and said “Lead the way.”

“Yes Sir!” I said and guided the way into the forests where the titan was prone. We stationed at one of the boughs waiting for the sun to rise. The spot wasn’t totally comfortable but at least I could rest my back at the trunk and watch the sky that was wonderfully studded with stars, enjoying the playful cool air which’s gently messing my hair up. It was such a calm night, nothing but the crickets are making some noise. Although it was dark but the moon light allowed me to see the Captain’s features. He was looking at the sky, diving into his own thoughts. 

“Is there something bothering you Sir?” I asked breaking the silence. 

“ Tch.. “ he let out a little sigh. “I’m not necessarily happy with this expedition either. But I couldn’t leave her shit head alone in this. She will get herself and everyone else killed.” He said with his eyes on the sky still. 

“Yeah she can get really excited” I giggled. 

He broke the silence again after minutes and said in a low voice; “I left the walls with twelve soldiers standing on their feet. I will go back the same way I left.”

He might not say it out loud but I knew he always holds himself accountable for soldiers’ death. Maybe that’s the price of being the strongest solider alive. I have always wanted to ask him why he felt this way but there are boundaries to what we can ask or tell him. 

I summoned up my courage and said; “Captain… please don’t go hard on yourself. Not everyone is your responsibility.”

“But you are.” He said and looked at me in the eyes. 

Thank the lord it was dark so he couldn’t see me blush. I knew he meant that in terms of captain and his subordinate but it still made my heart skip a beat especially when I wasn’t expecting this answer. In fact, I wasn't expecting any, he rarely talks about his feelings or thoughts. 

“uhh I can take care of myself Sir.” I said rubbing my neck.

Neither of us said anything after. The silence took over for the rest of night. I couldn’t sleep either so I just started recalling some memories and thinking about him and I. It’s crazy how close he is to me at the moment yet he’s so far. I don’t know when my admiration for him ended up developing into deep love and care. I became so attached to him before I would even realize it. I have always known that his sternness stems from gentleness. I wasn’t deceived by his tough looks and strength. He’s so caring and compassionate. In matter of a fact, I don’t think he hates people as he pretends to, he just hates losing them. I love paying attention to his details and always wonder about what he’s thinking of. I wish I could know more of him or have long conversations with him and learn about his past and maybe the reason behind his persistent insomnia. I wish I could be there for him when he needed but I’m nothing but a subordinate for him. His feeling aren’t mutual and I don’t think he has ever thought of me as a woman. This is a hurtful truth that I learned to accept and live with for the past years.

Surprisingly, time passed by quickly. As the squads finally made an appearance, Nifa switched places with Captain Levi who left off to Hange’s side. Each two soldiers were positioned somewhere nearby the titan. We had to grab its attention and buy Hange some time. 

“GOOD MORNING MR TITAN” Hange screamed and waved at it but instead, the titan chose to ignore her and moved towards Nifa’s and I direction. 

“Why the hell is he ignoring everyone but us?” Nifa asked. 

“I have no clue but isn’t this a good opportunity to get it distracted?” I said and flew off to a lower branch on the tree. Nifa followed. 

Both of us succeeded to get the titan distracted which only enabled the others to target his knee-pits with flaming arrows and other sharp objects. After Hange has collected the data she hoped for, Captain Levi sliced the titan’s nape and we all got back safely to the castle.

“Attention please. You have had enough rest already.” Hange said clapping her hands to grab our attention. “We’re supposed to go back to the walls tomorrow so let’s discuss the plan.” She carried on and placed some papers that displayed the strategy on the table. 

“According to my observations today, I noticed that the titan’s behavior towards Nifa and Petra was pretty strange. It’s safe to say I have a hypothesis about it.” She eyed Nifa and I before carrying on; “Titans might be easily distracted by red heads.” 

Everyone had surprised looks on their faces, including me. I have been fighting these creatures for four years now but never thought about this. Maybe because I have always worn the cloak which covered my head most of the time. “We can take an advantage out of it.” She continued.

“Nifa and Petra will make the titans track them down to the walls where Erwin will have the gates opened.” She said but was interrupted.

“This is madness!” Captain Levi snapped at her. 

“Oh Levi you have a short patience too. I HAVE’NT FINISHED YET” She screamed. 

“I won’t let you use them as a bait. Not on my watch Shitty eyes!” He said and stood up. 

The atmosphere tensed up and everyone got so nervous. Usually Commander Erwin would handle such situations but he wasn’t here; meaning the job fell on us. 

“Squad Leader please calm down.“ Moblit rushed in to Hange’s side. 

“You too Captain. Why don’t we let the Squad leader finish off first?” Eld said to the Captain who sat down again after he grasped the panic they caused us.

“All of us will be right behind the titans. If anything went wrong or if it started to speed you can cut their napes, Levi. Mission will be cancelled at the time.” Hange said with a calmer voice. 

“Isn’t it dangerous to let them cross the walls?” Oluo scoffed. 

“Mike and his team will take care of the rest. They will surround it and capture it with trawls and we will be there to help anyway. I had it all organized.” She answered. “We have to do this. I can’t carry on my experiments outside the walls where I don’t have my equipment nor the supply.”

“Petra.. Nifa.. I completely understand if you refuse to play the bait. This is not an order. It’s totally up to you two.” She said while looking at both of us. 

“I’m in. “Nifa said without hesitation. 

“Fine by me too.” I said and looked at the Captain who was looking at me with concern.  
“Great. Rest well tonight. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day!” Hange said. 

Early in the morning I was called up by the Captain. He requested to see me in his study before going on the mission. 

“Come in Petra.” He said after I knocked on the door. 

I got in and asked; “You requested me Sir?” He was putting on his white neckerchief. He nodded in response. 

“Petra. Listen. If what Hange asks is too much for you just tell me. If I don’t approve on this it will not happen.” He questioned while examining my face. 

“Captain! I’m okay with it. You don’t have to worry about that.” I said. 

“Okay. I will trust you but if at any point- “

“I know you will be there.” I said cutting him off. It was the truth. I have always felt safe when he was around. Even though sometimes we would be encircled with titans but I know for a fact that he is able to protect us. Besides, I don’t mind sacrificing my life for humanity anyway. 

“You can go now” 

“Sir.” I saluted him and left the room. 

Nifa and I were ordered to launch a red flare if things got out of control. A green flare when approaching the walls and a black flare if an abnormal titan showed up. Everything was going as planned until one of the two titans started speeding up. 

“PETRA IT’S GETTING SO CLOSE TO US” Nifa screamed.

Shit. It was really getting closer but at the same time we were near the walls. If we launched the red flare then it will go down the drain. 

“NIFA LETS RUN IN ZIGZACK UNTIL WE REACH THE GATES” That was the only thing I could think of. Albeit it has sped us down a bit but it was harder for the titan to catch us and we made it safe to the walls where Mike and his team held it with trawls and metal wires. 

Commander Erwin announced the mission successful with no casualties. 

“Petra, Nifa, Are you okay?” The Captain came up to us and asked. 

“Yes Sir.” Both replied simultaneously.

“LEEEEVVVVIIIII” Hange ran and jumped on the captain hugging him “THANK YOU SO MUCH” 

Although she was covered with dirt, he didn’t push her away. Instead, he just patted on her back then both of them moved to Erwin’s side. 

I felt my heart sink in. It wasn’t the appropriate time for me to get upset but I couldn’t help myself. Knowing that I will never form such bond with the captain ruins my mood. I kept telling myself that I’m okay with it but it’s a lie. I’m sick of what love is doing to me. It can lift me up to the sky then drag me down a moment later. I can’t control my feelings or prevent these ups and downs. 

“I’m going back to the barracks.” I told Nifa.

“Why?!! We are going to celebrate!” 

“Uhh I feel tired maybe next time.” 

“Come on don’t be a buzzkill.” She insisted. 

“I didn’t get enough sleep I’m sorry” I said and left. I wasn’t in the mood for celebrations I wanted to be alone to get some rest. 

I don’t usually drink but I feel like I could use some so I grabbed the bottle that Oluo hid in the kitchen and went to my room. 

I have said to myself I learned how to live with this but the truth is I feel like my energy is so drained at the moment. It’s so painful. One sided love is so painful, and distressing. Especially when you’re hiding your feelings. It’s like holding a burning coal but pretending it’s a cube of ice. What sucks the most about it is that you have no one other than yourself to blame. It’s totally childish to blame them for not loving you back so you just end up punching yourself for losing control and wondering why aren’t you enough for them. What is it that they didn’t like? In worse cases you start to think you don’t deserve love.

I ended up drinking half of the bottle and falling in deep sleep. 

**HEAVY KNOCKING SOUND ON THE DOOR** 

I feel like my head is gonna explode. I opened my eyes slowly to realize it’s already the next morning. I don’t know for how many hours I slept exactly but the sun was so bright and it caused me more headache than I already have. 

“PETRA WAKE THE FUCK UP” I heard Oluo screaming while knocking on the door. 

I got off the bed and opened the door; “the hell you’re annoying me this early for Oluo?”

“I ــoh my lord you stink!! Have you been drinking all night?! “He spat. 

“What do you want?” I groaned lifting my weight on the door. 

“The captain asked for an urgent meeting, be downstairs in five.” He said and disappeared. 

Shit. I can’t let him see me this way or know that I broke the rules and got drunk last night. I rushed in for a quick shower, fixed my hair and put on my uniform and some perfume then went to the meetings hall. 

“Sorry for being late Captain.” I said and took my usual seat but I could tell something was off.

“Where the hell have you been Ral?” Captain Levi said. He was pissed off. In fact, the boys looked sad and disappointed too as if something tragic has happened. 

“Sir, my apologies I left early yesterday and fell asleep. What’s going on?” I eyed them all.

“Last night someone burned the titans we captured.” Eld answered. 

“W-what?! Who would do that and why!” I gasped and looked at the Captain. 

“We’re not sure but whoever did this clearly doesn’t want us to know much” Gunther said.

“So we risked our lives in vain?” I let out a heavy breathe.

“Calm down everyone. This is not why I demanded this meetings.” Captain Levi said. “Whoever killed the shitty titans is actually targeting the scouts. We don’t know who our enemy is, yet, but for some reason they are trying to stop our expeditions by accusing Erwin and the squad leaders of corruption.” He said as we exchanged looks.  
“These assholes have been working for some time that they managed to get the kings approval for starting an investigation on the scouts. Our expeditions got suspended until further notice.”

“What’s gonna happen now Captain?” Eld asked. 

“I don’t know. Planning and politics is not my job it’s Erwin’s. We will wait for his orders but in the meantime, I want all of you out of trouble. We are being watched, I bet they are waiting for us to make a mistake.” He said.

He got up and said;” Take the day off and be prepared tomorrow for some training unless Erwin says otherwise. I’ll be in his office.” 

I can’t believe this was happening to us. I always thought everyone appreciated our sacrifices and courage but it seems I was wrong. 

“Are you okay Petra? You look pale. “Gunther asked interrupting my thoughts. 

“Yeah I’m fine it’s just the headache.” I gave his a sympathetic smile.

“She got wasted last night. I should have told the Captain.” Oluo scoffed. 

“Do it and I will tell him where I got the wine from.” I teased him.

“I can’t believe you two.” Eld frowned at us. 

“I’m sorry it won’t be repeated.” I promised. I wasn’t intending to do it again anyway I rarely feel the need to drink. 

I got up back to my room and changed into some civilian clothes. I will go see my father since the Captain said to take the day off. 

**Writer’s POV**

-Later that Day- 

_Mike entered Erwin’s office in hurry. Levi was already there._

_“What happened Mike?” Erwin asked._

_Mike looked at Levi then back at Erwin and said;” It’s Levi’s girl. Military police arrested her.”_


	4. A white lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again  
> I'm so happy I managed to update on time. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please Let me know if you like it  
> Thank you for everyone who's reading my story. It means a lot.  
> Update will be in 2 weeks. (Hopefully)

**Petra’s POV**

The air is so fresh, it kind of helped my headache to go away. I can sense the temperature getting cooler these days, winter will probably come earlier this year. I have learned to appreciate its brilliant rays and sparkling flakes. When I was young, mom used to make me hot milk in rainy nights and braid my hair. She would tell me stories until I fall asleep in her lap in front of the fireplace. Although my father did his best to fill the void she left behind her after she passed away, but I have always missed her and wished I could see her again even if it’s for once. I wouldn’t say I hate winter now but I just despise that I have to spend its long nights all alone. 

It hasn’t been long since I saw my dad but I promised to visit him when I come back. Besides, I want to make sure he has been compliant with his medications so I made my way to the apothecary to buy him his usual drugs before I would go home. 

“Hello Mr. Einstein” I smiled at the old man. 

“Oh Hello Miss Ral. I assume you’re here for your father’s medications.” He replied and I nodded. 

“I just need five minutes to prepare it.” 

“Yeah sure take your time.” I said as he started to grab different ingredients from the shelf. 

I couldn’t ignore my worry for the Captain and the scout. We have never been through akin situation before. We fight titans but humans..? Why would anyone want to prevent us from going outside the walls? What is it they are afraid we will find out? Thinking about it makes more questions pop up in my head. I don’t have good feelings about this. For me, it somehow feels like the calm before a storm. 

“Oi you, bring me my box” A young man said as he entered the place along with his friend. They looked so rich and with their arrogant attitude I would say they come from aristocratic families. 

Mr. Einstein got anxious when he saw the young man coming in. “Yes sir I will get it from upstairs immediately.” He said and gave me an apology look for keeping me waiting.

“Hurry up filthy man I don’t have time.” He snapped. 

I tensed up at the way he was insulting Mr. Einstein ever since he stepped in. It got me mad to see a man as the age of my father being treated this way but I wasn’t going to act on it because the captain ordered us to stay out of trouble. Plus, he would probably leave once he gets his box, no point of picking up a fight. 

“So you heard about the scout losers” He said to his friend and laughed as if there was no one listening. 

“Yeah man they’re such a pain in the ass I’m glad the expeditions got suspended.” The other one scoffed. He was tall with blond hair and a calm accent. 

I didn’t interfere. Some rich people do speak shit about the survey corps so it shouldn’t be a problem now. I won’t make a scene. 

“They haven’t accomplished much anyway. All they do is getting themselves killed then pretend to be heroes” 

Breathe Petra. Breathe 

“Especially that short thug Erwin brought from underground.” The tall one said. 

“Wasn’t that piece of shit a son of a prostitute?” He said after he took the box from the old man who finally came downstairs. 

“Yeah but they still managed to make a legend out of him.” The other one responded as they both left the place. 

The world was spinning and my heart throbbed so fast. What the hell happened now? What did I just hear? Did they really call the man who gave everything he has to humanity a thug? I was told he lost his two friends way before I joined the corps. Despite that, he carried on, he became humanity’s strongest solider. To free people, even people like him and that’s what he get in return? Do they even know how much the Captain had to suffer? 

I didn’t care anymore. Rich or not, I was ready to blow a fuse. 

I followed them outside and called; “Hey you..” They turned back at me and before saying a word I punched the short one right on the nose. He fell to the ground and cried in pain. I was so angry I couldn’t control my body. I gave him two more kicks in the stomach for talking shit about the captain’s mother. As he started to spit blood, his friend touched my shoulder to stop me “What the hell are you-“ I kneed him in the groin not allowing him to finish his sentence.

“Y-you-u bitch” he whined and bent down. I took the chance and kicked him on the face knocking him out.

People has gathered around us watching and whispering. I was so numb, I felt the world spinning again just when a group of military police soldiers rushed in to hold me still and rescue the men. They were so aggressive once one of them recognized me as a solider in the scouts. I was arrested and detained at cold, dim prison cell.  


I know I messed up big time and will probably pay for it but I don’t regret it. All I could think about at the moment is the captain. He has nearly killed over 200 titans and rescued a lot of soldiers. Humanity wouldn’t have been able to step forward if it wasn’t him helping Commander Erwin. However wall people don’t seem to appreciate his services at all.  


Was what I heard about his past true? I knew he was from the underground but his mother? If she was really a… prostitute. I can’t imagine what he has to go through as a child then. It breaks my heart to even think about it. Does this mean there’s a possibility he doesn’t even know who his father is? I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks.

He never talked about his past to any of us. He never mentioned his mother or father or even his last name. The boys and I were so curios to know if the rumors about him being from the underground is true or not, but none of us had the balls to actually ask him about it. 

Suddenly, I heard a noise coming from outside. “Either you open the door or I’ll make you.” 

It was the Captain’s voice. 

I felt electricity down my body. I wasn’t ready to face him yet. I won’t tell him the truth because I can’t hurt his pride like that. It wasn’t his fault but I know him enough to realize that he will blame himself too. 

The door was finally opened and my heart started racing with each step he took down the stairs. He stood in front of the metal bars and ordered in a cold tone “Come here.”

It was dark, he wouldn’t be able to see me unless I go near the bars so I took a few steps closer. His eyes widened once he saw the blood covering my hands and shirt. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked. 

“No.” I simply answered. 

He reached out to my elbow and brought me closer to him and whispered; “Did the filthy pigs annoy you? Or maybe harass you and you had to defend yourself?” I could feel his warm breath on my face.

I didn’t want to lie to him, I can’t break his trust. Maybe I can tell him what actually happened minus the part about him. 

“Petra you can tell me everything you know that.” He whispered again and tightened his grip on my elbow. 

“I’m sorry Captain. It’s my fault I lost my temper” I said and looked down on my feet.

“What for?” 

“They just criticized the survey corps.” I said as he let go of my arm.

“What do you mean they criticized us? PEOPLE TALK SHIT ABOUT US ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME PETRA” He rebuked me. He was no longer whispering. 

“I’m sorry.” My voice broke. I knew this was coming.

He walked back and forth before turning to me again saying ;“This is not you! There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“No. I was disturbed by the news you delivered this morning and when I heard their conversation I couldn’t control my anger.” 

“GOD DAMN IT PETRA!! I WARNED ALL OF YOU TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.” He shouted at me and hit the bars with his palm. “Do you know how difficult the situation is for us now?” He hissed. 

I said nothing and kept on avoiding his eyes.

He let out a sigh and told me; “Anyway. Erwin is doing his best to make the bastards drop charges. If he didn’t get you out of here in 24 hours… I will.” 

I looked at him, I couldn’t interpret his expressions but I thought it was for the better if I don’t say anything. 

“I won’t leave you here.” He said softly and simply, then left. 

I have never seen the Captain this furious. Although he was so mad at me but I felt warm light behind his harsh words. ‘I won’t leave you here’ I replayed his last words in my mind and smiled to myself like an idiot. How could he make me feel better even when I’m literally in jail and stained with blood?

**-Few Hours Later-**

“Commander Erwin wants to see you.” The guard told me as he opened the door. We went to Neil’s office where the commander was waiting. I saluted him and took a seat as he ordered.

“I would like to have a word with my solider alone if you don’t mind.” Erwin said to Neil. 

“Only because I owe you one Erwin.” Neil said and left the office.

“Levi spoke very highly of you Petra.” He stated. “There got to be an explanation to why you knocked out the son of Lord Eastoft.” 

I took one glace at his face and closed my eyes.

Lord Eastoft is one of the important funders of our expeditions. Now that I learned the identity of that blond guy, I know how much difficult I really made the situation for Commander Erwin. He wasn’t going to buy whatever answer I told Captain Levi.  


“Given your reaction, I suppose you know who Lord Eastoft is.” He said. 

“I do commander. But I didn’t know it was his son.” I replied lifting my head up to look at him.

“So why is he laying at the hospital as we speak?” He asked again with patience.  


“He said horrible things about Captain Levi and his mother.” I answered briefly avoiding any eye contact.

“Hmm I see. How much does Levi know?”

“I only told him that they spoke ill of the survey corps.” Which wasn’t technically a lie. Maybe a white lie. ”Commander… can we possibly keep this from him? Please?” I pleaded. 

He nodded in agreement and said;” Actually I’m here to let you know that Lord Eastoft refused to drop the charges.” 

“I will take full responsibility of my actions Commander.” I said but he chuckled in response. 

“That’s mature of you but I don’t think I will let Levi use his knife again after all these years. I promised him you will be free in 24 hours but first, I would like to hear the detailed story please.” He said. 

I told him everything I could remember without being interrupted once. He was so calm and staid in spite of the fact I ruined the corps image by attacking civilians in such a sensitive period of time. 

“Why would a rich young man go to the apothecary himself? Usually, these people send their servants.” He wondered. “Did you get to see what was in that box?” He asked. 

“No, but sure the druggist knows.” I said. 

“Right Petra. That was enough information for me.” He said as he stood up ready to leave. 

“Commander” I called him. “I sincerely apologize.” 

“Stuff like this happens but I hope you will avoid it next time.” He smiled at me and left. I was taken back to the cell. 

_[Erwin was clever enough to notice that detail. Later on, he talked the pharmacist into revealing the truth behind that box. At first, it wasn’t easy at all but after the commander had promised Mr. Einstein full impunity and protection, he told Erwin how the young men threatened him to sell them alkaloidal drugs. Same drugs that were announced prohibited by the king himself last year after serial killers had started to use them in committing their crimes around Shiganshina and Trost districts._

_Erwin and Levi paid Lord Eastoft a visit shortly and he ended up dropping the charges. Indeed the corps lost all his financial support but thanks to Erwin’s diplomatic skills, he did not become their enemy and at the end Petra was released.]_

“Petra!!” Gunther ran and gave me a light hug as I entered our meetings room. Eld and Oluo asked if I was okay as they moved over to make me some space to sit. 

“Were they harsh on you?” Eld asked and placed a glass of water in front of me. 

“Only when they found out I’m a solider.” I replied and sipped off the water.

“These as*holes.” Oluo said under his breath clenching his fist. 

“Captain Levi said you did it because they spoke badly about us. Is that it?” Gunther questioned. 

“Yes.” 

“That’s not enough reason to disobey the Captain, Petra.” Gunther said. 

“Seriously what the hell is matter with you? Yesterday you got wasted and today you beat up a rich lord’s son. Have you lost brain cells after the titan chased you?” Oluo snapped at me all at once. 

They were right. Not just that I ignored the Captain’s instructions but also I reflected a bad image of the scouts and got my commanding officers in trouble. The consequences of my actions will affect everyone. 

“Enough! I’m sure the Captain had rebuked her already.” Eld demanded Oluo to stop. 

“No he’s right. Nothing can justify my actions.” I said. 

“Everyone makes mistakes Petra. Maybe you’re not at your best now but we know you.” Eld said. I really appreciated his words but it didn’t stop me from feeling guilty. 

“You probably couldn’t enjoy your day off as well.” I muttered 

“Who cares!? We’re just worried about you.” Gunther said. 

“Thank you guys and I deeply apologize.” I gave them a weak smile. Eld pinched my nose and smiled again. 

I was so grateful for each one of them. They have always had my back. Eld is like an older protective brother to me. He would put me back on the right track with his wise words whenever I mislead the way. Gunther and I are close friends. We always have our chitchats and go to each other for advice. He even told me his secrets about the girl he likes. Although Oluo and I keep fighting but he’s my childhood friend. We have so much memories together and I truly care for him. 

“Where’s the Captain though?” I asked. 

“He went out with the Commander to Lord Eastoft’s office. He should be back any minute.” Eld answered. 

“He was so mad at you.” Oluo said. 

“Mad? I don’t know if that’s the right word to use. He was ENRAGED” I scoffed. 

“Shit! So it was really bad.” Gunther said.

“It will be worse now that I’m released. Maybe I should have stayed there to be honest.” I said nervously but everyone laughed loudly at my statement. 

“It seems like you’re having fun.” We instantly jumped out of our places as we heard the Captain’s voice. 

“You” he pointed at me frowning. “To my office.” 

My heart raced up against my chest as I followed him. I couldn’t explain the look on his face. Did Erwin tell him the truth or was he just angry with me? I feel so bad for disappointing him like that but deep down, I still can’t regret what I did. Every time I remember their words I feel like biting someone’s head. 

“You are not to leave the barracks until further notice.” He ordered in his cold tone as we entered the office. “The survey corps has officially lost one of its main suppliers due to your actions. Therefore, I will think of an appropriate punishment for you Ral.” 

“I’m sorry.” I apologized for the tenth time today. 

“You’re lucky Erwin was able to free you in spite of the severe crisis we’re facing.” He continued ignoring my apology. “I will not allow such accident to happen again. I don’t care what your reasons are, if you fail to obey my orders again you will be dismissed and forwarded to the disciplinary board.” 

I tried so hard not to cry in front of him. I didn’t want him to think I can’t bear to face the consequences but I was so upset for letting him down. 

“Are you disappointed in me?” I finally asked. 

He took a few steps closer and looked me in the eyes, my body shivered in response. I don’t think he has even been this close to me. 

“I don’t get you” he said softly and muttered the rest of his words which I couldn’t pick up. 

“Sir?” I didn’t understand. He was acting out of normal. I haven’t seen him confused before. Did something that we don’t know of has happened? 

He pulled on his serious face again and backed off. “Go rest and clean yourself.” He referred to my dirty clothes avoiding my eyes. “I will let you know what punishment I decide for you Ral.” 

“Sir.” I wasn’t in the position to protest so I obeyed and left to my room immediately.


	5. In his eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo ! 
> 
> I'm so sorry for not updating for a while but at least I made it on Petra's birthday ;)  
> I'm so excited for today. AoT is back and it's our girl's birthday!!!!! I missed her so much!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter <3

**Petra’s POV**

_Someone was knocking on the door. It has been raining sideways all day, who would it be at this time in this stormy weather? I was so sleepy to get up and open it but it won’t stop. I put on my slippers and lit up a candle then went downstairs to see who it was. The knocking didn’t stop for a second, I opened the door and.._

_Mom?! .. MOM !_

_It was my mom wearing a navy blue dress standing in front of the door. Not a single drop of water was on her. She looked neat and livable as ever. I tried to hug her but she walked past me and got into the house directly to her room. There was my father who smiled so big when he saw her. They held each other’s hands and started leaving the house._

_“MOM !!! DAD !!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING” I screamed and cried._

_Both of them were ignoring me as if I never existed._

_Did they not see me?_

_I tried to follow them but I was no longer able to walk, my body froze in its place. I screamed again and again and begged them not to leave me but they vanished together in the woods._

I woke up gasping for air. My pajamas were soaking wet and my body was shaking. “It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream” I kept repeating to myself till I calmed down a bit. My mind was in shreds, I don’t usually dream about my mother. It only happened a few times but never was a nightmare like this one. I’m probably just stressed due to the recent events. 

I wiped off the tears and stripped down for a long hot bath, it was the only way to help me not ruin my day that I haven’t started yet. Once I stepped in, the sensation of the steamy water beating over my head and trickling down my back calmed me down. My eyes fell closed which finally allowed my mind to fall into dullness. 

Since the sun will be rising in thirty minutes there was no point of going back to sleep. I put on my uniform and dried my hair really quick before going downstairs to the kitchen for some coffee. 

I tensed up when I saw the Captain sitting on the table drinking his tea, it was obvious he wasn’t expecting me either. He has been avoiding me ever since Lord Eastoft’s incident. He hasn’t said one word to me this week, not even about my punishment. He stopped giving me orders or assigning the usual tasks to me. I never thought he would act this way, I expected him to give me more work to do but instead, he tormented me with silence. 

“Good Morning Sir.” I said. Maybe this is my chance to fix it up with him. 

“Morning” He said under his breath. My heart jumped in joy, I recalled the days when I used to make him tea early in the morning and have a small conversation while everyone is still asleep. Although I used to pretend that I woke up because I had enough sleep but the fact is I was doing it on purpose. I loved leaving bed early just to sneak into the kitchen to keep him company.

“I will renew your tea.” I said to him as I poured the hot water into a new cup and added some tea leaves. Just when I turned by back to hand him the cup… he wasn’t there. _He left._

**In his eyes**

Levi wouldn’t stop thinking about that day, Petra’s image doesn’t seem to get out of his head; she was standing behind the bars, her small hands were shaking with tears in her eyes. He could tell she was full of worry and guilt but she was oddly silent too, she looked at him very differently; something new to him that he couldn’t detect what for. He still feels so guilty for scaring her with his aggressive behavior though, a part of him can’t believe that she found him threating and backed off from him but he wasn’t to blame her. It was his fault, his blood was boiling and when he saw her in jail for some unworthy evil yobs he didn’t think straight, he plainly couldn’t. In fact, when Mike first delivered the news, rousing thoughts stormed off his brain. She wasn’t a troublemaker and her nature was nothing near violence. He came up with the assumption that someone tried touching or harassing her and she had to protect herself therefore. These ideas were fast to fly him off the handle, he was suffocated by his own thoughts and if it wasn’t for Erwin, he was gonna end up killing the bastards to let Petra go.

Later on, when things calmed down a bit he was able to find some space to question himself. Why does he feel the way he does? Why can’t he let go and more importantly why can’t he face Petra? Deep down, he knows there is something off with him ever since the incident, something he can’t fully understand, however, he wasn’t trying to deceive himself, he genuinely needed an answer to clear up this confusion. That day, he was so furious and worried for her that he now suspects it wasn’t only because she’s his subordinate. Maybe it was beyond that. 

He considered the possibility of having feelings for her but he never actually understood why would he come to realize it only now? Is it temporary and he will –somehow- stop thinking about her if he put some distance? He didn’t want it to be real. Not just she’s the youngest in his squad but also he is her commanding officer and he has authority on her. Levi didn’t want to use his powers this way or push her into this pathetic vortex so he decided to keep her away from him until he fixes up his mind. He thought if they avoided any unnecessary contact, things will be setback to normal and this whole awkwardness will come to an end. This decision however, made him release how much time they used to spend together. Although Eld comes second in lead but it was always Petra taking care of everything, she received orders, she delivered them… she was simply beside Levi most of the time. Now that he stopped giving her orders, he has to assign Eld or Oluo for all the little things she used to do.

Things weren’t going as he planned though, despite the limits and the coldness he forced into his relationship with Petra, it was only getting worse. His feelings have become more intense and he felt a ceaseless gap without her. He never stopped thinking about her, as a matter of fact, he would even sometimes think of her as more than just a subordinate – which makes him want to punch himself more.

“Good morning Sir” Petra said jumping out of nowhere one morning.

“Morning” He replied. Not that he had any chance not to. If he didn’t, it would sound like a conformation that he really is ignoring her.

A sweet vanilla like scent emanated from her, it spread everywhere around them the moment she stepped into the place. Her cheeks were hit with a pinkish color as if a rose or two grew up on her face. She was smiling big at him as some water drops fell from her wet hair on her shoulder. She was so pretty and for the first time ever Levi felt like holding her tight. He missed her presence more than he imagined and just wanted her to be so close at the moment. 

“I will renew your tea” She said with her energetic tone.

He couldn’t stop his thoughts and knew it was better to leave. Before she did notice, he left to his room where he washed his face and hands and went to Erwin’s afterwards. 

_Work is a good distraction for him perhaps._

Erwin was finally announcing his plan today. Although Levi trusts all his decisions but this time he was starting to get worried Erwin didn’t know what to do. The expeditions have been suspended since two weeks yet he did nothing to sort it out.

“You look stressed, Levi” Erwin said as Levi crashed his weight into the sofa. 

“What’s the plan?” Levi answered with a question and Erwin smiled in return. 

“We should wait for the rest. They shall be here shortly.” Said Erwin sipping his coffee. 

By the time the sun has made its way through the glassy windows of the office, everyone gathered at Erwin’s and the man started explaining the strategy he has worked on for days. 

“Frankly speaking, we still don’t know who our enemy is. However clearly, and upon the unfortunate recent events, it’s safe to say that this enemy is using the government against us-if it wasn’t the government itself of course.” Erwin started. 

“But the government sometimes fund our expeditions.” Mike said. 

“Right, but, it was before capturing titans alive. I firmly believe they don’t want us to make a progress.” Erwin replied and continued ;” However it doesn’t matter, tomorrow we will put an end to this regardless of the real identity of these people.”

“And by tomorrow you mean?” Levi hissed. If they were about to do something insane he better had prepared them while ago. 

“Are you suggesting a military coup?” Hange asked and the room went silent. So silent that an ant can cause noise by walking.

“Yes.” The man simply answered. “We have no time left. The government knew I was working whoever’s targeting us through and they have issued an arrest warrant for everyone in this room.” He said causing an up rise in air tension. 

“What about our subordinates?” Levi asked without looking at Erwin. 

“They aren’t included in the warrant. As long as they don’t protest about it, none will be arrested.” Erwin said. “They will be watched closely needless to say.” 

“What’s the plan Erwin?” Mike asked. 

“First thing you need to know is I have made an agreement with Dot Pixis. Through confluence of interests, he welcomed the idea and will take a part in.” Erwin said and continued before letting anyone interrupting him;” But we couldn’t risk involving Neil or Zackly yet.”

“There’s nothing sane about this. This will lead to a combat between us and the military police. We will kill each other.” Hange muttered. 

“I know Neil well enough. He will not have a finger in this unless Zackly gives him the order directly.” Erwin said.“ Therefore, we will allow the military police to do their job tonight in order to avoid any clashes with them. Everyone will think we fell for the trap the government had prepared for us.” Erwin explained. “By the time of our arrival to jail, an important file will reach to Zackly’s hands, the matter that will change the game and turn the tables around.” 

“If Zackly’s in, Neil’s in and they will let us go.” Levi filled in the blank. 

“A military coup is better conducted when uniting the three branches of course.” Erwin approved Levi’s. 

“What’s in the file that will get Zackly to take a part of this?” Mike asked. 

“I will keep that for now.” Erwin chuckled. 

“What if it didn’t work?” Levi asked.

“Worse scenario it is. The garrison and our soldiers will barge in to set us free and the rest will be taken care of by force.” Erwin said with a steady voice and impassive face.

“Hopefully we will not get into that.” Mike said. 

“The entire plan is insane but we trust you Erwin.” Hange said with a serious tone which surprised Erwin for a second. 

“I need you to explain the situation to your squad members, everyone ought to be alert. Also, make sure they understand this is a highly classified information.” Erwin ordered. 

After hours of discussing the details of the plan. The squad leaders started leaving the room before Erwin called for Levi to stay. 

“What is it blondie?” Levi mocked him when they are alone and Erwin chuckled at the nickname. Levi has always been innovative with calling people names. 

“You know they will keep us awake tonight.” Erwin said. 

“And?” 

“Don’t kill any of Neil’s soldiers no matter how punches you will take in.” 

“Tch.. I-“

“No matter what they say too, Levi.” Erwin interrupted him. “Or they will always hold grudges against the survey corps, we must avoid this happening, mustn’t we?”

Levi nodded in confusion before leaving the office. He has always put up with the shit that other soldiers brought up about his past and Erwin knows it. It was unusual of him to warn him against it. 

**Petra’s POV**

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to cheer up, it’s just a bad day and you know it the moment you wake up. I thank the lord for not having these days very often, however, when it does happen, I can’t help but be miserable to the fullest. 

It was a new type of heartache I’m exploring. The Captain not liking me back is something and not wanting to see my face is another. It feels like he gave up on me. All for one mistake and it hurts my soul. To know I lost the very little bond I had with him, it hurts my soul, deeply. I do not blame him what so ever because I’m aware that I disappointed him by acting reckless in such a sensitive time for the corps, but, I wish there was a way to fix this. Somehow- to go back to how we used to be… to how things used to be. 

Once a great man said; when sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions. Unfortunately, I came to understand this statement now. With everything going on I was also worried about my father. I haven’t heard from him for the past two weeks. And since I was ordered not to leave the barracks- and too ignored by the Captain to ask for permission - I haven’t had the chance to visit him. Knowing my father, he sometimes skips his meals and doses. One way or another, I have to check up on him. 

I didn’t realize I lost track of time sitting down in the kitchen diving into my own thoughts until I heard Oluo calling for me to follow him to the captain’s office, where everyone has gathered. 

“The military police will barge in tonight to arrest Erwin and all of the squad leaders.” The Captain started and the four of us jumped out our places without hearing what he has to say next.

“Sit down.” He ordered, but we didn’t obey. I bet we looked like four frozen bodies from outside the room for a viewer. 

“I SAID SIT DOWN.” He growled, making every single one of us flinch and sit down.

“Erwin has a plan. We will be set free by tomorrow morning. If not, I want you to cooperate with Dot pixis. You do as he says.” He said and then explained the detailed plan for us. 

I managed to preserve a calm appearance but in the inside, I was going insane. Commander Erwin is gambling again however this time, it involves the Captain’s safety. If he was jailed, I’m one hundred percent sure they will give him a harder time than the others. Many people in the military police hated him and wished they could have an opportunity to hurt him. Whether the reason was his background or just jealousy because he is humanity’s strongest solider. 

“Captain, what is this all about?” Eld asked although he seemed to know the answer. 

“Military coup. “He simply answered. As if he was walking in the park. 

“I have never heard about one starting this way. Turning yourselves in as a first step, isn’t that risky Captain?” Eld said.

“No offence to Commander Erwin’s decisions but I totally agree with Eld, Sir.” Gunther had said before the captain replied. 

“There’s no other choice. We don’t want to start a fight with the military police. You joined the corps to kill titans, not your comrades.” The captain finally said. 

“But we might end up having to do that Sir, right? ” Gunther let out a heavy breathe. 

“Only if we were not to be set free by tomorrow’s morning. Which I hope this is a track we won’t be forced to take.” The Captain said.

“Can’t you go to the hidings instead?” I finally said and their gazes shifted on me. “All of you I mean, until the commander-in-chief is convinced by Commander Erwin?” I continued not caring if my suggestion was going to upset him. 

“No.” He said but before he could dismiss me again I shot back;

“Why not?” 

The boys looked at me with surprised looks on their faces for me to speak in that tone with the Captain. 

“Because they will arrest the corps’ subordinates instead and use you as a leverage against us” He said as he got up. Four of us did so immediately. 

He walked into my direction and looked at me in the eyes and said with a steady voice; “I warn you this time. If you cause a trouble, I won’t see you here ever again.”

“Is that clear, Ral?” He growled before leaving the office and I heard Oluo chucking in the back. 

“How does it feel not being the Captain’s favorite anymore?” Oluo mocked but I was having enough of a bad day to fight with him too. 

“Shut up Oluo, how can you make jokes at such time?” Gunther snapped. 

“I don’t know why you’re so worried. Have you even seen a plan of Erwins failing?” Oluo shrugged.

For once, I agree with Oluo. The commander has never failed us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had many troubles writing this chapter down. Displaying what Levi is thinking about and his feelings for Petra without ruining his character is super hard. We all know how Levi is in the anime\manga. He never expresses his feeling or his mind. I hope I wrote that part well for you guys. Let me know if you liked it :D
> 
> Also, I apologize in advance as I might not be updating for a while. I know it's Rivetra's month but it's also final exams and assignments' month :( I will do my best though.  
> Thank you for reading.


	6. A real change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii there! 
> 
> Happy new year for yall  
> I sincerely apologize for not updating but I barely got finished with exams and I had zero motivation :(  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter ;)
> 
> Warning// This chapter includes a scene of physical and phycological abuse.

**Writer’s POV**

It has been a few hours since the military police barged in. As planned, Erwin and the squad leaders have been captured without showing any signs of resistance. However, Moblit was arrested with them too after he was accused of obstruction of justice. He couldn’t stick to the plan and tried to punch one of the soldiers after they had insulted Hange. The rest of the subordinates stayed up alert at the barracks waiting for some news from Dot Pixis just like they were ordered. 

Not a single eye lid got a wink of sleep that night. The corps are facing fateful events. The future of the walls and its people depends on Erwin’s plan. Everyone one was worried and anxious. Petra in particular, was a bundle of nerves. On top of all, she couldn’t stop thinking of how Levi is spending his moments right now. She knows how cold and dark these cells are and more importantly, she knows how much some people have waited for such an opportunity to hurt him. She didn’t know what to do, not that any much can be done anyway. She was tasting the bitterness of helplessness. Looking at one side, she is a soldier that is expected to follow orders, even if it meant to let Levi take the beat for a few hours from his spiteful enemies. And on the other side, she’s powerless in this situation, she can’t do anything alone. But being the great soldier she is, she promised herself to stay intact and fight until her last minute for the sake of humans first and her loved ones later.

While at jail, everyone was separated in different chambers. They had to face insults and torture and threats. Erwin and Levi spent more time at interrogation than the others. Some soldiers were assigned alternately to keep Levi awake all night. He was tied up into a chair while being scorned and punched. They thought there was _no better way than torturing what resembled the strength of the Survey Corps to humiliate and tame them._

“Don’t tell me you believe you’re humanity’s strongest soldier?” One of the military police soldiers gasped out after punching Levi in the stomach for the sixth time. 

“You’re out of breath already?” Levi chuckled after spitting the blood he has in his mouth. 

“Shut the fuck up bastard.” The man cried and gave Levi another punch but in the face. 

Another soldier approached Levi grapping him from his hair and whispered; “You don’t get it, do you? The corps are out of function. You will go back to where you belong ‘Captain’.” 

“You’re no more than an underground piece of crap.” The other one said before raining down a bunch of kicks on him again.

The torture continued for hours. Only Levi knows the magnitude of pain and insults he had to take in that night by military police. On the other hand, Military detectives tried their best along with Nile to get Erwin to spill out what he has been planning for. However, they couldn’t get one word out of him even by using violence. He was as resilient as Levi was. After all, he has planned this as if it was his last mission on earth. 

Earlier that day, Erwin had entrusted Nifa with the file that has to be delivered to Zackly. She was known with her skills to deal with mails without invading privacy. As he hoped for, she left the papers on Zackly’s desk shortly after they got arrested and it was about time until he reads them. All these files in fact, has displayed classified information about the corruption of rich people in the walls. It showed specific details how the royal council has let these people get away with murder. Nevertheless, the major hook-up actually was Erwin proving how they have been faking the king and deceiving the people of the walls for years and up until now. The matter that even Dot Pixis couldn’t know how Erwin managed to get his hands on such a sensitive information. 

At the barracks, hours late, everyone was gathered in the hall when Anka showed up to inform them that Dot Pixis was finally called upon to Zackly’s office and they need to be ready for any escalations. 

When Dot Pixis made it to Zackly’s office, he found the man surrounded with papers all over his desk. He knew that Erwin succeeded in getting these files into Zackly’s hands.

“Honorable Commander-in-chief.” Dot Pixis said saluting Zackly to show some respect. Zackly welcomed him and they both sat down to have a decent conversation. 

“I guess you already know why I called you up this late.” Zackly said. 

“I’m not sure why.” Dot Pixis denied and Zackly smiled in response. 

“Well, Erwin clearly asked for my support to order Nile to take a part in this movement but not you, Pixis.” Zackly said. 

“We may have discussed things with Erwin.” Dot Pixis nodded his head. 

“I have to admit I am surprised by both; the facts I read in those paper” Zackly said holding up the papers Erwin sent “and by Erwin’s courage to consider such a step. It’s a big risk, you see.” 

Dot Pixis sensed a positive attitude emanating from Zackly. When he first discussed the issue with Erwin, he thought that Zackly won’t be taking their sides. Unlike Erwin, who had faith in Zackly and his decisions. 

“I have always been taken back by this young man’s intelligence and ambitions.” Zackly continued.

“Is it safe to say that you agree with Erwin’s and I decision then?” Pixis smirked. 

“With all these evidence provided. How can I not?” Zackly said while adjusting his eyeglasses. “I believe it’s the time for a real change.” 

“With all due respect Sir, we need to hurry up. As the sun will rise in three hours I bet they will hang the guillotine over their heads soon.” Dot Pixis said with a serious tone. 

“I won’t allow it.” Zackly got up from his chair followed by Dot Pixis. 

“I will have my speech with Nile immediately. The ones who fooled our people by faking the king are the ones who should be executed.” Zackly gave his final order. 

While Zackly organized an urgent meeting with Nile, Dot Pixis sent his order to the squads along with the garrison soldiers to be positioned outside the king’s palace by dawn, just in case. 

When the sun rose, Erwin and the squad leaders were chained up and transferred to present in front of the royal council. They were knelt down on the ground as their trial was about to start. In fact, it shouldn’t be called a trial. There was no investigation, no arguments or solid evidence to prove they are guilty. The council simply wanted to prejudice and sentence them to death. Everyone had bruises on their bodies. Levi’s the most. His right eye was black and swollen, his lower lip was cut and his nose was bleeding. 

“Any last words, Erwin Smith?” One of the men said.

“My words will be the last for you to hear, not for me to say.” Erwin calmly replied just when they heard noises coming from the outside. 

“Sorry for the interruption, gentlemen.” Zackly barged in the room with Dot Pixis and Nile.

A bunch of soldiers have followed them into the room holding their rifles. 

“You aren’t to execute my commander without officially informing me, are you?” Zackly questioned the four men in council. 

None of the men could really answer him. They tried to carry on their plan and get rid of the survey corps as soon as possible, in order to avoid any questions from the public or Zackly. They didn’t want an obstacle in their way. However now, seeing how the soldiers are surrounding them, they know it’s the end of their game.

“Erwin...” one of the men said clenching his teeth. 

“You can’t disobey what the king has approved for, Zackly.” Another man spat. Trying to play his last useless card.

“I don’t think you understand.” Dot Pixis burst out laughing. “That man over there” and pointed to Erwin who was still on his knees “has exposed your lies. Including your fake king.”

The men nearly jumped out of their skin once they heard Pixis’ statement. This was a highly secretive information. Only five men knew about it. How could someone like Erwin learn about this fact? 

“My soldiers are innocent. They have done nothing wrong to be prosecuted. Unchain them.” Zackly ordered the soldiers who immediately complied. 

When Erwin stoop up, Neil has approached him.

“As usual, your plan was conducted smoothly, Erwin.” Neil said with low tone.

“It wasn’t as smooth and the proof is mine and my comrades’ faces, Neil.” Ewin replied which made Nile feel slightly ashamed of how brutal his subordinates are. 

“By the 16th law of the walls and by the provided evidence. This council is accused of corruption and treason. You will be arrested for further investigation” Zackly announced with his serious tone without elongating it any further. 

Another plan of Erwin’s had been successful without any mentioned damages. After arresting the royal council, Zackly arranged an immediate meeting with the three of his commanders to view all the details again and divide tasks. Erwin refused to reveal his source of information; not until what he has in his mind is achieved. He had his reasons and Zackly trusted him. Nile was ordered to keep securing the inside walls as usual and interrogate the council for other datum. Erwin said he will take responsibility for enhancing their image in front of the public. As a result, he sent Hange and Levi to meet a famous journalist in the town. More importantly, he pledged to bring someone with real royal blood to this palace. Dox Pixis and his branch collaborated with Nile to aid in pacifying and stabilizing the situation in the capital. Indeed, Pixis would never let such a victory pass by. He ordered a drinking party at night for the three branches which Zackly approved for; to celebrate unity and kill any grudges between comrades. 

Organization for the party has begun at noon. Long tables were arranged at the barrack’s yard. Hange’s team set the lights up and the rest took care of the food and drinks. At night, soldiers started to come in and finally, the commanders and squad leaders made it to the event’s place. It was crowded, chatting everywhere and soft music started playing after Erwin gave his speech and gratitude for his comrades. Everyone was eating and having fun-except for Levi-. He was nowhere to be found.

While everyone was enjoying themselves, Petra’s eyes were searching for him, and only him. She hasn’t seen the captin since their last conversation in his office before he got arrested. When she saw Moblit’s and Hange’s bruises she got more worried for Levi. She still doesn’t know how severe his injuries are and where the hell is he when literally everyone is here celebrating. Usually he would have his dinner with Erwin. However this time, Erwin is here, having dinner with them. So where is he? 

Petra couldn’t help it anymore and went up straight to Erwin and asked him about Levi. 

“Excuse me, Commander. May I talk to you for a second?” Petra interrupted his conversation with Neil. 

Erwin turned his face to Petra and nodded;” Excuse me for a minute, Neil.” 

“I’m sorry Commander but may I ask you where the Captain is?” Petra asked after they have walked a few steps away from Neil. 

He smiled at her question. He probably knew she was going to notice Levi’s absence.

“He has some work to do. He might not be coming to our celebration tonight.” He simply replied and went back to Neil, not giving her any chance for further questions. 

Petra got frustrated with Erwin. She couldn’t understand how Erwin could send Levi off to another mission just right after he was released from jail. Without any backup or rest or at least treating his injuries. Although Levi is humanity’s strongest soldier, she didn’t like the way Erwin sometimes depends on Levi. She didn’t like seeing him being pushed to his limits. 

With all these thoughts wandering around in her mind, the nasty smell of alcohol everywhere and the thick air in the place got her suffocating. She decided to go for a walk then leave to her room. After telling Oluo she was going out for a walk she left the barracks walking alone. 

The air was so fresh and cool. Looking at the wonderful full moon in the sky while the air played gently with her hair helped Petra to calm down. She was walking until she saw Gunther sitting down on an old stony stair. 

“Why are you sitting here all alone?” Petra said to Gunther as she put her hand on his shoulder to sit down next to him. 

He turned his head in surprise and gave her a weak smile before answering; “I don’t feel like celebrating and you?”

“I just needed some fresh air I guess.” she shrugged. 

He was silent. Probably more than he would usually be so she decided to break the silence.

“It’s Anka. Isn’t it?” Petra asked softly. 

“It’s not hard to guess ha?” he giggled. 

“Probably not.” she chuckled. “What about her then? You can tell me if you want, I’m all ears.” She said and gave him a playful shake on his shoulder by hers.

He smiled and let out a sign;” I already told you I like her.” she nodded for him to continue and he said: “I can’t confess my feelings for her.” Muttering the rest of his words; “I don’t think I will ever be anything but a comrade to her.” 

“Why not? Are you afraid of rejection?” she raised an eyebrow. 

“Not just that no.” he thought for a second and said: “She’s a garrison solider but I go outside the walls… and we both know how slight of a chance we’ve got coming back home alive each time. Why would she raddle herself with such a relationship?” He adjusted his position and said: “Even if she accepts to, I don’t want her to get hurt when I die.” 

Petra was so overwhelmed by what Gunther has just told her. She is naturally so compassionate and when it comes to her comrades, she felt their pain the most. She was the best listener are adviser. 

“As you see… I don’t know if it’s worth it.” He said shaking his head. 

“Gunther, what do you think we’re fighting for?” She said after a couple of minutes of silence. 

Her question took him by surprise but he answered;” We are fighting for the future of humanity, for a safe place for the next generations.” 

“And for a better place for the people we love. Don’t you think?” Petra asked. 

“Sure.” He replied and she smiled. 

“You know… I can actually see where your thoughts are coming from and I can’t deny how much slight of a chance we have coming back alive but still” She stopped talking for a second to paraphrase her ideas “You mustn’t forget to live your life in the process, otherwise, everything will lose its meaning and you won’t be able to remember why you are in the battle field from the first place.”

Gunther’s eyes widened. He never really looked at it this way. She had a point. 

“Also, what makes you think you won’t have a place in the better world we are creating?” she asked without giving him a chance to answer; “Yes I know. We might die but we also have a chance of survival.”

He didn’t know if he would consider taking a step forward yet but he was thinking of her point of view.

“Let her choose. If she really wants to be with you then let it be Gunther.” Petra said.

“You have so much wisdom considering your age.” He said and messed up with her hair. She slapped his hand in return and they both laughed. 

“What I’m trying to say is that being a soldier shouldn’t prevent you from living your life.” She said blushing in between laughs.

“What about you?” Gunther asked without hesitation but considering how confused Petra looked, he explained;” Will you ever tell captain Levi how you feel?” 

She felt electricity down her body. Her heart started racing and her face was flushing. Although Petra had strong feelings for Levi but she never made it obvious. She always made sure to keep it lowkey. Petra didn’t want to tell anyone, not her friends, not her comrades, not her father –who still knew about it. Not that she didn’t trust them but she wanted it to be her little secret to avoid facing any embarrassing or unpleasant situations. 

“Petra… I’m sorry maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I-I didn’t mean to say that out of nowhere.” Gunther panicked when he saw her reaction and how speechless she was.

He did notice her feelings for the Captain a while ago but he never said anything because he didn’t want to pressure Petra. Now that he finally let her know of his knowledge, he can’t decide if he regrets that.

“Ughh… How did you know? Is it obvious?” She growled, covering her face with her hands. 

“N-no it’s not I promise. I noticed it only when he got injured last year. You were crying…and I heard you praying.” He said rubbing his neck. 

“I see.” She giggled nervously. 

“I’m so sorry I made you uncomfortable. You didn’t vent out about it for a reason I’m so sorry.” He kept apologizing.

“It’s okay. I’m just surprised.” Petra replied calmly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before but I swear it doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you.” She justified. 

“I know. It’s not easily said I don’t blame you.” He gave her a warm smile “but I’m here to listen, if you ever need to speak about it.”

She let out a heavy breath. Gunther is a good trustworthy friend. He’s such a considerable person for not mentioning it before. She thought it would be harmless to let it get off her chest. 

“I can’t confess my feelings for him.” Petra said, avoiding Gunther’s eyes. 

He didn’t question her further. He gave her the space and opportunity to tell him only what she wanted him to know. 

“He might force me to switch teams if he learnt that I developed unprofessional feelings for him.” She whispered, tilting her head down. Her heart felt so heavy. A hot tear fell on her cheek. 

Venting out about something that you have been holding for years is not easy as it seems to be. Once you start talking about your sorrows and fears. You don’t know when to stop. Luckily, Petra had a good trustworthy friend like Gunther. He gave her a light hug and said nothing because he knew she was right about her last statement.  


She left her head up wiping her tears and said;” Plus, I know he doesn’t have mutual feelings. There is no reason to admit my love for him.” 

“How can you be so certain?” Gunther genuinely asked.

“He probably have feelings for Hange.” She said. 

Gunther couldn’t kill his laughter;” Where the hell does this come from?” 

She playfully hit his arm for laughing and said;” They have a different bond. Everyone knows that.” 

“They do. But I have never thought of it as a romantic bond.” Gunther said.

“Also he probably hates me now. After what I did.” She shook her head and Gunther laughed again.

“You have some weird theories. The Captain is just mad at you.” He said 

“Ugh. I don’t know.” She yawned.

“We should probably get going. You look like you could use some sleep.” He giggled as they both stood up walking back to the barracks. 

“Thank you for trusting me.”

“Thank you for listening.” She said and yawned again. 

_Little does Petra know that Levi was sitting alone looking at the sky, in a hidden spot, overhearing her conversation with Gunther._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will do my best to update as soon as possible. (I think you might love the next chapter haha)  
> If you like what I write let me know in the comments. It motivates me more than you think it does.  
> Thank you so much for reading <3


	7. Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!   
> First of all, thank you all so much for your support <3 Here's the chapter that I have been waiting to publish and you to read.   
> I want to say that I might have used Heichou instead of Captain in some lines in this chapter but I bet everyone knows the word anyway. 
> 
> For the last part of the chapter I recommend playing (Fire on Fire by Sam smith) or (Breathe by Fleurie). I played both of them while writing that part and I can say they really got me vibing with it more. 
> 
> *Warning: This chapter has a fighting scene that includes physical violence and blood.

**Writer’s POV**

After Levi was released from jail, he barely had the time to change his clothes in order to go with Hange for his first task of the day. The meeting with the journalist was smooth. He actually was very helpful and showed massive gratitude for Levi and Hange for sharing such information and handing in clear documents. The man has promised them to whiten the scout’s page in front of the public and tell their side of the story. They spent additional time with him to make sure the script to be published in the walls’ newspaper does justice to the survey corps. 

Afterwards, Levi was sent on a special mission upon Erwin’s request to investigate a famous physician who resides in wall Maria. He didn’t know what Erwin was planning for or who this person is, however, he learnt to trust his commander and all of his decisions. Although Levi hasn’t had time to fix up his wounds, he took the first carriage to wall Maria. For him, this task seemed like an urgent secretive one that should be performed before dark.  


When he arrived at the area, Levi searched for the man’s clinic without asking people for directions in order not to draw attention. He wandered around for some time until he found a wooden signboard that had the physician’s name engraved on. As he tried to open the door, an old man sitting nearby the building called Levi and told him that Grisha Yeager didn’t come to work today and that if he wanted to find him, he should probably go to his house. The old man was kind enough to give Levi the directions without even requesting them. 

As he finally made it to physician’s house, he heard some kids fighting over who would answer the door. When the door was opened, a green-eyed kid and dark-haired girl showed up in front of Levi. The little boy was shocked and whispered; “Levi heichou!! “

“Eren!!! Mikasa!!! I told you to wait! “A woman shouted and appeared behind Eren. Levi assumed they were this man’s wife and son. The girl didn’t seem to belong to this family biologically. She was different-not in a bad way though-. 

“MOM IT’S LEVI HEICHOU-“Eren started panicking before his mom shut him up with her hands and giggled;” Eren, Stop being rude.”

Levi didn’t wait longer until he introduced himself. The woman recognized him of course and invited him inside for a cup of tea. As it wouldn’t be nice to turn down the kind’s woman invitation and his little fan, Levi accepted it. 

Levi has had a lot of fans up until this day. Mostly girls. Erwin would sometimes drag him along to donation parties because his popularity has always proved its utility. But this boy, he was different. He seemed so passionate and determinate. He kept telling Levi how he was planning to join the Survey corps because he wanted to explore the world with his friends Mikasa and Armin. Levi didn’t encourage him to join the corps nor warned him against it. He believed that everyone, after reaching a certain age, should be making their own decisions, with _no regrets._

At that day, Grisha Yeager has disappeared from town, leaving his wife and son behind with only a letter for Erwin. Grisha told his wife to expect anyone from the scouts and asked her to deliver them his message. The man’s wife handed the letter to Levi, who opened the envelope and read; 

_‘Rod Reiss & his illegitimate daughter, Historia’ _

Levi knew he had heard of this name before. Maybe this man was one of the rich people in the Capital that Erwin has mentioned before but he couldn’t be sure. Many thoughts stormed off his mind. What would Erwin be up to and how can he trust this man called Grisha Yeager. 

Just as soon as Levi noticed it was getting dark, he finally thanked the woman and left the house after saying a proper goodbye to the kids. 

Two steps away from the house, was a carriage that looked for customers. Anyone would think Levi is lucky to find his ride back to the barracks so quick but that wasn’t what he thought. Finding a carriage this late and on top of all, waiting for him outside Grisha’s house was beyond coincidence. He got suspicious but still decided to take the carriage anyways. If he had people after him, he shall figure them out. He tore off Grisha’s letter to protect the information he learnt about and set off on his way. 

When the carriage started moving, Levi pretended to close his eyes and rest. In the meantime, he slowly pulled out his knife and placed it along his arm under his shirt and Jacket. He could feel its cold texture on his skin. He noticed the driver glancing at him once in a while which confirmed Levi’s doubts. However, he waited for the right moment to attack him. Actually, a small part of him wanted to believe that killing this man is unnecessary. Ever since he was picked up from the underground he promised himself not to be the cause of death of any human being no more. Maybe that was a part of the responsibility that came with the title he was given. 

After the carriage had come into a tight quarter away from people, Levi hastily put the knife at the man’s throat who stopped the carriage and stood still. He intended to question the man without hurting him but before Levi could order him to get of the cart, the man elbowed Levi painfully in his stomach and jumped out wielding his knife too. He was tall with ugly scars on his face that became obvious after standing under a light pole. 

Levi whined in pain but followed the man immediately, holding his knife with his usual reverse grip. The two of them were slowly moving around each other in a circle. Knees were bent, knives whipped out and the other hand raised up in defense. Levi could tell this man was a professional combatant by the way he held his knife but he was never to lose a knife fighting against anyone. After all, he was taught how to use his knife by the most famous serial killer in the city.

“Tell me who do you work for and I’ll have mercy on you.” Levi said to the man who scoffed in return and rushed his target into Levi’s neck. 

Levi managed to avoid his hit. His small body has always made it easier for him to move and guard his vital organs and sensitive spots. 

“This is your last chance. Who are you working for?” Levi warned in a deadly tone. He was losing temper. 

The man refused to answer and swooped down another hit which left a cut on Levi’s bicep. They were back in circle as Levi started bleeding. 

“Tch…” Levi felt the adrenaline rushing down his veins. He was no longer playing nice. This man was clearly underestimating Levi as an opponent. He wasn’t going to spell out anything at his own. 

It was time that he ends this. Levi darted just under the man’s legs. He jumped up spinning the man back and stabbing him deeply right into his gut. He twisted the knife inside the man which made the latter cry loudly in pain and fall on his knees. 

“Who are you?” Levi clenched his teeth. Hardening his grip around the knife. 

The man hit Levi’s nose with his forehead and grabbed the knife out of his intestines. He was bleeding and his respiratory rate was significantly increasing. Despite that, his strong physique enabled him to withdraw and escape before Levi got up. 

With all the punches he had taken earlier on his face, this punch was harder for Levi than it would have been if his face wasn’t already injured. He was drained out of energy after all he has been through so let the man run away. Luckily, the horse and the carriage was left right there. He took the horse and stormed off to the barracks. 

At the same time of his arrival to the barracks, he noticed some soldiers serving in different branches leaving the barracks. He assumed the leaders decided to throw a party to celebrate their victory hence he decided not to get in until the party is over. He didn’t want all of the branch’s subordinates to see him like that. Instead, he went to one spot that he used to go to with Isabel and Farlan to watch the sky. When he got there, he cut a piece of his jacket and wrapped it temporarily around his arm. It was already way past midnight. The party will be over very soon anyway. 

The Air breeze was colder than usual but Levi didn’t mind it. All he wanted to do at the moment was taking a breath. This place has always succeeded in making him feel better. Looking at the starry sky, he remembered Isabel trying to count all of the molten-gold stars. He smiled to himself and recalled their warm conversations, the simple dreams they shared together. No matter how much people he’s surrounded with nowadays, he never was able to forget about them. A deep part of him still holds himself accountable for their death.

There were two familiar voices that night that pulled him out of his thoughts. Petra and Gunther, sitting down on the stairs just under the roof where he was sitting. When Levi detected their voices, he wondered why he hasn’t felt their presence until now. Maybe because his thoughts about Isabel and Farlan were louder than anything else for a moment. 

Levi knew they wouldn’t be as comfortable if their Captain joined them so he decided to stay where he was. There was no point of ruining the little free time they get away from the military. Especially when they haven’t had much free time recently anyway. Although he didn’t intend to but he ended up overhearing their whole conversation. 

That night, after many years, Levi has eventually learnt the truth about Petra’s feelings for him. 

_‘I can’t confess my feelings for him’_

. 

. 

_‘He might force me to switch teams’_

Was it always like this? Did Petra really carry all these feelings with her throughout the years? _Love , fear , doubts_

He didn’t … he didn’t know how to deal with this information that he wasn’t supposed to even know about. He didn’t know how to feel about it. His own feelings were… so confusing. 

Should he be happy because she felt the same for him or should he blame himself for being the reason she suffered silently from. Levi wondered if he ever gave Petra the wrong impression. Was it his fault that she developed these feelings for him? 

In spite of the confusion that tortured him for the rest of the night, he couldn’t prevent certain feelings from sneaking into his heart and mind. Knowing that a great woman like Petra fell for him made a spring grow inside of him. He was certain it was his first time experiencing the feeling of being alive. The sky seemed so close and the dark wasn’t that gloomy. But once again, he goes back to feeling guilty. What is he supposed to do now? Even if she loved him too, does that give him the right to be with her? 

_More importantly, what if he lost her just like he lost every other person he loved and cared about?_

* * * *

Unlike her every morning routine, Petra woke up earlier than she usually does. She took a shower and put on her uniform before going downstairs in search for the captain. She knows he would usually be awake at this o’clock and today, she was determinate to get a permission to visit her father. In spite of all the recent madness, her father was always in her mind. For more than once during these weeks, she had terrible dreams about him. She was so anxious that it might be interpreted in real life. She was terribly worried for him and more importantly, Petra didn’t want him to think she didn’t fulfill her promise of visiting him after that expedition. 

When she went to the Captain’s office, he wasn’t there. She thought he might be at Erwin’s, however, there was no light on. She checked the kitchen but he didn’t make an appearance. Just when she was wondering whether he came back to the barracks last night, she noticed a dim light coming from the medic’s room. 

Suddenly, her memory was refreshed. She didn’t see him yesterday. She still doesn’t know how badly he’s injured. She ran to the medic’s room and opened the door without consent. There was no one there but him, sitting on the white bed, shirtless, trying to stitch the cut he has on his biceps himself. His perfectly ribbed body was full of bluish bruises. His eye was way too swollen and his nose still had traces of blood. He looked so exhausted. 

When she saw him that way, she gasped. 

“Heichou -“The rest of her words couldn’t get out. She felt a lump in her throat. 

Levi snapped his head towards the door and stood up. 

Before he could say anything, Petra was running across the room to get equipment for treating his wounds. She brought a stainless tray and put some iodine, sterile gauzes, bandages, medical cotton, ice and an ointment on it. She tied her hair up before applying some iodine around her captain’s wound and spreading it using a small piece of cotton. 

“It’s okay I-“ 

“This might hurt a little.” Petra cut him off and placed the cotton away. She was flushing. He could tell she was extremely mad. 

She came closer to him, took both of his hands and placed them on her waist to get a better position for stitching. She held the needle and started her job carefully. 

“This wound is so fresh compared to the ones on your face. What happened?” Petra asked while stitching. Hearing her tone, she sounded like an interrogator. 

“It’s confidential for now.” He answered.

“I can’t believe he sent you on a mission alone like this.” Petra murmured. 

Although it’s rare to occur but Petra usually has her times when she crosses the line. Almost all the times that this has happened was because one of her team members being reckless or injured. However this time, Levi isn’t mad at her. He’s rather enjoying it actually but he wouldn’t let her know that. 

“Erwin is a ‘he’ now?” Levi said, addressing the disrespect Petra showed. 

She left up her head to look at him and stopped for a second. It was only now that she realized how close they are. She could feel his breath, heat and grip on her. He was surrounding her by his arms, shirtless. 

The heat hit her face again. She cleared her throat as she focused back on stitching his arm and said; “at least you could have cleaned your face wounds.” 

After she finished what she was doing, she wrapped up his arm with clean gauzes and some bandages. She took a step backwards which made Levi lose his grip around her waist. Next, Petra picked up the ointment jar from the tray and came closer to Levi again. She put some of the medicine on her index finger and applied it to his lower lip’s cut. She felt butterflies in her stomach and her heart started racing as she touched his lips. This was something Petra has never done before. She avoided any eye contact because she was afraid it will become obvious how tensed up she is for touching him. No matter how hard she tried though, Levi noticed her behavior. He was rather feeling the same himself. Her touch was so light and gentle, it felt like a relaxant to him. He didn’t want her to stop touching his face. He observed her every move. She was just so beautiful. Her ginger hair touching the soft blushing cheeks of hers. She smelled like sweet vanilla and once again, made the whole place smell nice. After knowing how she feels about him, it became ten times harder for him to control himself. His desire of holding her close and kissing her is becoming irresistible. 

The room was so silent but the air was tense. After she has finished applying the ointment, she picked up the ice to place it on Levi’s eye but he held her hand and took the ice. 

“I got this its fine. Thank you.” Levi said. He tried to part away from her again. 

She nodded her head and pushed some of the fallen hair behind her ear as she held the tray. 

“Why are you up this early?” Levi asked. 

“Oh... Actually, I was looking for you Captain.” She let out a heavy sign and explained; “I’m a little bit concerned about my father. I was wondering if I could pay him a quick visit this morning.”

“Fine.” He said while holding the ice to his face “You can do that.” 

Levi has never disallowed Petra to go home. Out of all people, he was the most one to know the value of parents. 

“Oi, I don’t have to tell you to stay out of trouble, do I?” He said, recalling that she was ordered not to leave the barracks. 

“No Sir. I will stay out of trouble.” She said and walked in the direction of the sink’s tile to place the tray there. 

“Or maybe I shouldn’t. So you can finally get me fired and have some relief.“ Petra said under her breath as she walked. 

Levi froze. 

He felt terrible knowing that how she was thinking. She’s still upset because he left her the other morning without saying one word to her. 

He started recalling her words… 

_‘He probably hates me now’_

_‘He probably hates me now’_

_‘He probably hates me now’_

“Do you really think I hate you?” Levi couldn’t prevent himself. He didn’t want her to take the wrong impression. Not when in fact it’s the complete opposite. 

Petra turned her back to face him again. Nothing but confusion was drawn on her face. 

“Sir?” She said, to ensure what she just heard. 

“Maybe you’re right. We shouldn’t forget how to live our lives.” Levi said as he placed away the ice and walked towards her. 

He was so tired of hurting her, of avoiding her and resisting his feelings. 

Her eyes got widened and stopped moving. Weren’t those her words that she said to Gunther hours ago? How could he…? 

When Levi came close to her, he took the tray away from her hands and placed it on the tile. She wasn’t moving, she was just observing, in shock. He cornered her by placing his both arms on the porcelain’s rim and whispered; 

“I could never hate you.”

He tilted his head and moved one step closer to get rid of the small distance between them and crushed his lips on hers. 

His move took Petra by surprise, she was shocked. She stood still as if the time has stopped, as if the universe has quit spinning in a memorial of this moment. She couldn’t process what was happening. Only few days ago since he was completely ignoring her. How would he possibly kiss her out of nowhere? 

When she noticed that Levi was pulling away because of her reaction, she finally kissed him back. She didn’t know where to go with her hands so she placed them on his bare chest. She felt weakness in her knees and her heart was racing so fast, she thought it would explode at any minute. She missed him so much and not that she can get enough of him anyway but she closed her eyes and let him hold her. 

As Levi felt her reacting to him, he pulled her closer and took her between his arms. Her lips were so soft and sweet. Neither of them wanted to think about anything for now, their desires of each other has taken over every rule, logic and situation. 

They broke down the kiss as they ran out of breath. Petra rested her face on his and whispered;” How?” 

“I was there.” He whispered and kissed her again. 

They both wished this moment to last forever. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t last forever. There was knocking on the door so they had to separate quickly. While Petra’s face was still flushing, one of the guards came in and saluted Levi and said;” Captain. There is a woman outside who requested to see comrade Ral. She said it was about her father.” 

Petra felt the world collapsing around her in a blink of an eye. She ran outside without even looking at Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY FOR THE ENDING DON'T HATE ME 
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I apologize for anyone who felt like Levi was out of character but it's really hard to write a romantic fiction that he's involved in without changing a bit in his attitude. 
> 
> I tried my best but I don't know honestly ugh you tell me was he out of character? 
> 
> Until next time <3


	8. Rivetra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there Rivetra's nation !
> 
> I want to thank everyone for your time to read this. It's been a while since the last update but I came back with a longer chapter than usual (probably the longest I have written).
> 
> You guys know I focus more on Petra and her feelings in this fiction. So this Chapter throws a glace back at Petra's history. It's a little bit sensitive but I hope you like it <3

**Writer’s POV**

Oddly, it was a sunny day unlike the rest of the week. Petra woke up early to take care of the house chores. After she made breakfast for her father, she started to clean the house, not leaving any dust behind. She scrubbed her father’s room and made it as comfortable as it could be for him. Like always, she prepared a healthy lunch for him upon the doctor’s recommendations and spent the rest of the time quietly in the kitchen, drowning in her thoughts when he went to his room for a usual nap. 

At that night, Mr.Ral was transferred to a medical hospice after he witnessed a serious deterioration in his health condition. Luke’s mother was thoughtful enough to go to the barracks and let Petra know of it. As she was delivered the dreadful news, Petra ran to the stable to get her horse and went like a bat out of hell to the hospice. Later on, she had to send a letter to the Captain explaining her situation. She was given a permission of two weeks off until her dad’s health is improved and he doesn’t depend on her anymore. 

Ever since, Petra hasn’t seen Levi or contacted him. But it’s not that she could get him out of her mind. No matter when she had time to spend alone during these two weeks, she would automatically start thinking about him and end up losing track of time. Actually, it still doesn’t feel real to her; the way he held her in his arms and kissed her. Whenever she replays it in her head, she gets weak, an ecstatic feeling takes over her as if she is drunk. She thought she was going insane for still feeling his grip on her… for still sensing his breath and taste. She craved more of his affection and touch. _Unrequited love has drained her for years_ and she has had enough of that. 

Sometimes though, she wonders whether Levi regrets kissing her. Although her captain has always taught them to choose the path of least regret but she was afraid he was going to blame himself in any potential way. She secretly prayed for that not to happen. She won’t stand it if he started ignoring her presence again. The idea itself gives her heartache all over again. What fed her doubts the most is the fact that she has no clue how or when he developed feelings for her. Was he possibly ignoring her for this reason? When he said he was there, Petra knew what he was referring to, though she wondered if her words to Gunther was what really pushed Levi into taking such a step. Also, she really wanted to know if this means they are together now. What kind of nature will their relationship assume from now on? Will he be willing to put effort into them? She wondered if she will finally be able to talk to him about whatever goes in her mind. She didn’t know if he will open up to her about his past too. This kiss, has really left Petra with all these questions that consumed her thoughts for nights and days. However, she will only get the answers she wants once she goes back to the barracks. 

Although Petra has been pining to see Levi but she’s in fact so anxious about it. Not in any world she thought he would like her back, she never considered this probability. And now, she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to deal with him. The more she thinks about it, the more she’s afraid of messing it up.

While the sunrays sneaked in from the kitchen’s window to gently touch Petra’s face, making her ginger hair and hazel eyes shine lightly, Mr.Ral has entered the kitchen. He called Petra but she was too drown in her thought to hear him from the first time. 

“Petra...” Mr.Ral called her for the third time as he sat on the table in front of his daughter. 

“Dad! You’re awake already? You didn’t sleep much.” Petra said, finally looking at him after he was trying to get her attention. 

“Sweetheart, you need to get going. It’s getting late.” He gave her a weak smile. 

Petra tilted her chin down. She felt a lump in her throat. Her leave has finished yesterday and she’s expected to go back to work today but she still doesn’t feel ready. What if something like this happens again? What if it was deadly? She wished there was a way to stay here beside her father but still fulfilled her responsibilities as a soldier. 

When Mr.Ral saw her diving into her thoughts again he caressed her cheek reassuring her;” I’m fine. I’m compliant with my medication now and I got the rest I needed. You don’t have to worry about me.” 

Petra wasn’t fully convinced but she took his hand and gave him a gentle squeeze. 

“Besides, I bet you’re missing someone so you’d better go.” He teased her. Mr.Ral has noticed how moonstruck his daughter has been, he even sometimes finds her blushing out of nowhere. 

“DAD!!!!” Petra protested, blushing. She got up and went to her room to pack her stuff and get ready. 

An hour after sunset, Petra made her father broth for dinner and waited for him to finish it. She made sure he took his doses and left the house after saying a proper goodbye. 

She knew it will be hard on her to leave her father. In fact, it messed her up emotionally. When she left the house, she had tears all over her face. The past has haunted her mind and soul again after she was fighting through these weeks to suppress her memories. 

When Ms.Ral passed away, Petra was only seven at the time. This unfortunate event was life changing for her. When it first occurred, Petra went through an emotional rollercoaster. She felt abandoned, devastated and heartbroken. The void that her mother left was big enough for anyone not to be able to fill, as if a huge hole was dug in her heart. Not a single word she knows of would have described the pain she was experiencing. Losing one of her parents made little Petra lose her ability to speak. She was falling down in depression and darkness at a very young age. She didn’t want to believe that her mother won’t be in her life anymore. She hasn’t had enough of her yet. She wanted to make more memories with her, she wanted her to witness the most important moments of her life. She wanted her mother to be there to guide her, just like any mother would do for her daughter. Little Petra was so desperate that she didn’t have the power to face all of this but with silence. Naturally, Mr.Ral was down in the dumps as well, however, he had to ignore his pain for the sake of his little child. She was his responsibility now. They had no relatives at all, _they only had each other in this cruel world._

When they said goodbye to Ms.Ral, Petra’s father promised his late wife to raise their daughter in the best way she imagined herself to do. On that exact day, Petra’s father has dedicated his life for Petra. He intended to help her regain her ability to speak and hope in life. He wanted to see the sparkle in her beautiful eyes again. Despite that he never treated his beloved daughter with anything but love and delicacy, he decided to enrichen their relationship even more. 

As the days passed by, they started spending the whole time together. Mr.Ral was teaching Petra how to cook, clean, fix a lantern, treat wounds and horse riding. She started helping him in planting vegetables and preparing the land after harvest. Her father never left her alone after that day to the point where he started taking her with him to the market for selling vegetables to dealers. Petra became attached to her father more than ever, nevertheless, she still wouldn’t say one word to him. When Mr.Ral realized that all of his attempts were ineffective, he got irritated and decided to take Petra to a known psychiatric in the capital. He didn’t allow more time to slip away from her, even if it costed him tons of money. 

After unremitting efforts, Petra finally regained her speech ability in the wake of a year and a half. Mr.Ral was immensely happy at the time. They started doing more activities that involved literature, she was finally taught how to write and read. Living alone with Petra has taught Mr.Ral to value the little time he has with his daughter. He wanted to do everything he could do with her before she’s grown up. With time, their bond became inexplicable. No distance fell between them even when Petra became an adult although it happens most of the time when daughters come of age. In fact, the older Petra has become, the better she appreciated her father. She was so grateful for all the efforts he has put into her, for not marrying again and taking care of her alone. She was grateful he didn’t give up on her or life, in spite of the massive pain he suffered from after losing the love of his life. Because of his affection and trust, she became the strong, confident woman she is today. 

That day, she arrived to the hospice to see her father laid down on a white bed sleeping. A shiver flared down her spine. She ran out of breath. For a moment, it felt like her body froze. Her heart was no longer beating, her blood was so longer flowing. The whole world seemed so empty for her. She knew she had no one except for him but only at that moment, she realized that she really might lose him one day. Loneliness has overshadowed her. She has never felt so alone ever since she was seven. She recalled her suffer after losing her mother. It was too heavy for her, as if she has become that little girl again with nothing but silence she can do. 

Petra’s loneliness was worsened when no one could visit her because of the unstable political conditions in the capital during the two weeks. Only Nifa was able to come by for a couple of minutes to give Petra some clothes that she brought for her from the barracks. Nonetheless, she was able to maintain her strength in order to take well care of her dad. He would be worried if he saw her in that condition so she acted like she was only worried for his health and hid the rest of her emotions and fears from him.

It took Petra longer than usual to finally make it to the barracks. She was exhausted and consumed as she arrived. She wouldn’t have preferred to see anyone at that moment. A cup of Chamomile tea will induce a good sleep and that what she thought she needed the most. Luckily, the barrack was oddly quiet and empty. Only the guards looked to be there. 

During her two weeks of absence, a lot have seemed to be happened. She heard from the neighbors that a queen who descends from the real royal family has started ruling the walls after a massive royal ceremony. No one was talking about the survey corps which means they haven’t been on an expedition. Petra thought they must have been extremely busy with stabilizing the situation and planning for the new constitution. Just like Commander Erwin has always believed; to defeat the outside enemy, you have to fix the inside first. 

“Petra san…” A voice called out as Petra was heading directly to her room. She was quick to recognize Moblit’s voice and turned around to face him. 

A short conversation took over between the two. If truth to be told, she hasn’t really said much. Moblit asked out of kindness about her father and then let her know that the squads are on a mission to gather some supplies. He also told her that the Captain has demanded to see her whenever she comes back. Petra thanked him and went to her room. She got frustrated and bewildered, she still hasn’t figured out how she’ll be behaving with Levi yet. Besides, she’s not thinking clearly at this instant. It’s not like she needs any more stress for the night too. 

Anyhow, she put her items back in place and washed her face. Moblit informed her that the captain is in his office so she went there and knocked the door. Not knowing what to expect from him, Petra kept telling herself to stay casual and calm. She will simply inform him she is back to duty and leave to her room. 

After he gave the permission for entry, she got in and saluted him;” Sir.” 

He was sitting behind his desk dealing with paper work as usual. His face bruises were much alleviated than the last time she saw them. When he heard her voice, he lifted up his face immediately. Her blood ran cold the moment his eyes landed on her. She had mixed feelings hitting her up… confusion, concern, yearning and ache. She was intensely reminded of how much she needs comfort and company when she saw him too. 

“You’re back, Ral.” He said with his usual tone. In spite of the coldness in his tone, his facial expressions proved the otherwise. 

Meanwhile regular soldiers shall respond to their superiors with high pitch and clear answers, Petra only nodded her head. Although she was so overwhelmed by her own feelings, she noticed that he called her by her last name, which added up to her disturbance. 

Levi sensed the awkwardness in her behavior. The longer he examined her face the more he realized she wasn’t the normal joyful Petra he knew.

“How is your father now?” Levi asked. He tried to look at her in the eyes but she was avoiding any eye contact. 

She opened her mouth to answer him but nothing came out. She breathed deeply but her breath hitched up in her throat and once again, silence was swaying. 

“Why are you so pale?” Levi raised an eyebrow. Certainty has broken the doubts for him, something was up with Petra. If she hasn’t kissed him back that night maybe he would have thought she was acting up to keep some distance. However, her pallor face and red eyes were telling him she had another issue to worry about. 

He got up from his seat and walked towards her in a faster pace than usual. “Has something happened to your father?” He carefully asked. 

Petra looked at him and shook her head. When a hot tear fell on her cheek she looked away and wiped it off. She rebuked herself internally. That wasn’t how she planned their meeting to go, it shouldn’t be happening. She was supposed to control her feelings and hide her fears and be resilient. 

Levi let a heavy sigh as a sign of relief that Mr.Ral is alive and well but he was exceptionally worried for Petra now. What was it that drove her to this state? He took a step closer and asked her gently; ”Petra..? What’s wrong?” 

That Repeated question wasn’t helpful, it only made her more vulnerable. She really _wanted_ to leave because she knew she was reaching her limit and she was no longer able to pretend she’s okay. However, that wasn’t what she _needed._

Petra needed to feel accompanied and understood, to let her thoughts and fears out of her chest and maybe to share her sadness with someone who cares about her. At the end of the day, no matter how strong and emotionally stable a human can be, sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on. 

She knew Levi wasn’t going to let her go after this moment so she unleashed herself and whispered as more tears fell down freely on her face; “I’m always scared it’s the last time I see him.” It was a fact, her mind has always dwelt on the worst possible scenarios. Although she tries so hard to ignore them but sometimes it just gets to her. 

Levi’s eyes widened when he heard what she said. He has never seen Petra so upset nor expected her to be torturing herself by making up painful plots in her head. Without thinking, he instilled his hand in her hair and brought her closer to him while his other arm surrounded her shoulders. As she rested her face on his chest she totally broke down into tears. She was sobbing and holding into him tightly. Levi didn’t know what to do other than patting her back lightly and planting a kiss on her forehead. They stayed still like that hugging for a moment until Petra has calmed down a bit.

Petra has always been conservative when it comes to talking about feelings. Declaring her thoughts and showing her weakness to people wasn’t in Petra’s account. As she has never poured her heart out to anybody, Levi was an exception. It felt so good to be comforted by your loved person; something she is newly exploring. She has finally got rid of the chest tightness that was chaining her up for the past weeks. After feeling slightly better, she broke the hug and looked up at Levi’s face. Never has she received such emotional expressions from him before, he was concerned and whole-hearted. 

Levi wiped off her tears with the back of his hand and took her to sit down on the sofa he had near his desk. Her eyes were so red and swollen, her lips were still curled up. She was calmer now but it didn’t escape him how tangled her mind was. When he noticed she started to shiver, he brought a blanket to warm her up. He placed it around her shoulders and squatted down holding both of her hands. 

“I will prepare some tea. It will help you calm down. Will you be okay?” He asked and she nodded her head in response before he left the room. 

When Levi came back with a cup of tea, Petra was already fallen asleep on the sofa. She must have been so tired that she didn’t realize where she laid her head. He decided not to wake her up but instead, he adjusted her sleeping position and sat back on his desk to continue his work. 

Inexplicably, the air has become very cozy at the office during the night, it was intimate and soulful. Levi was distracted multiple times by the scene of Petra sleeping. Every time he glanced at the beautiful woman sleeping, he felt warmness filling up his chest. 

When she first entered his office he was taken back by her stiffness. He thought that behaving formally would give her some space in case she needed to process what has happened between them. But he was fast to realize that he shouldn’t act as her superior tonight. She needed him and his tenderness away from limits and restrictions. 

The way her voice cracked and tears flew down her cheeks as a river has made him so irritated. He felt helpless when he couldn’t do anything to cheer her up. Handling similar situations has never been his thing anyway but he was relieved to be at least by her side. 

He didn’t leave his office or get any sleep that night. He preferred to stay there in case she had a bad dream or woke up confused. For the first time ever, he didn’t feel the heavy loneliness of long nights. She may be asleep but she caught his attention and took over his mind tonight, helping him to forget about his traumatizing memories that attack him at nights, even if it was for a short period of time. 

Little did they realize how much they needed one another. 

On the next morning as the sun has emerged its rays on the premises sneaking here and there, Petra was still sleeping on the couch while Levi went to renew his tea. When he came back to the office, he unintentionally woke Petra up by the loud creaking noise of the door.

“Tch…” He groaned right after the door has creaked. 

He looked at Petra to find her moving and opening her eyes. She got up rubbing her face and yawning. She looked so cute with the intense redness on one of her cheeks that she slept on the whole night. Just as soon as she realized where she was, she tensed up and looked directly at Levi who have been staring at her holding his tea cup. 

“I woke you up.” He quickly said, moving closer to her direction. 

“No, Captain. I-I’m sorry I don’t know how I fell asleep here.” She stuttered. Her memories flashed back to last night making her feel less uncomfortable. She remembered how Levi has cared for her and been by her side. 

“Not a big deal, are you any better now?” He asked her, not in the same tone he did yesterday but he was still being subtle. 

“Yeah…” She mumbled and said;” Sir, about last night. Thank you so much I just-“ 

“It’s okay. We need to talk anyway, don’t we?” Levi interrupted her and walked to his desk placing the hot cup there. He turned back to face her again and said;” First we have duties to fulfill. Great changes have taken place during your absence, I expect you to get the updates from your comrades and get your daily tasks done starting from today.” 

“Yes Sir.” Petra has become to figure out the features that this relationship will hold. Looking at the difference between Levi’s behavior now and yesterday, she understands he wants a total separation between their duties and private lives. It didn’t bother her, in fact, she was proud to see him making such professional decisions. 

“Once you finish your tasks, you can help me with what’s left with these.” He said pointing at the paper work and walked towards the window looking out. It was his way of telling her that ‘we can have our conversation later’. 

She obeyed and saluted him before leaving the office. Just right when she was opening the door she heard him saying;” Do not hold back your fears anymore.” 

She stood there for a second while still gripping the doorknob. 

“That’s an order.” He said when he heard nothing back from her. 

“Yes Sir.” She answered back smiling and got to her room.

* 

* 

Once Petra got refreshed after bathing and changing her clothes, she went downstairs to have breakfast with the squads. She was warmly welcomed by everyone, especially her team members who apologized sincerely for not stopping by her house. Shortly afterwards, Eld has informed Petra of the changes she had to know about. 

In fact, the survey corps have been busy with searching for Rodd Reiss and Grisha Yeager ever since Levi has delivered his message to Erwin. This man claimed that he will tell Erwin the truth behind titans and reveal the facts regarding their origin if he exposed the government. Although Grisha didn’t give the commander solid reasons to trust him, Erwin had faith in the physician due to his major contribution in suppressing the flu outbreak in the walls years ago. He has always been a trustworthy man which made Erwin think he had no motive to lie. Eventually, the squads were able to find Rodd Reiss and his daughter in a deserted temple. Unfortunately, Levi and Hange couldn’t interrogate the man as he took his own life instantly. Only the little girl was able to fill them with information. The same little girl who was crowned queen of the walls days later. 

“So where is the man now?” Petra asked seriously. 

“The queen said he managed to escape the walls after her father’s men tried to kill him.” Eld answered. 

“I still don’t understand why we trust her.” Oluo said in a way mimicking Levi and Petra rolled her eyes at him. 

“She’s an illegitimate daughter. He caused her damage more than anyone else.” Eld said, pointing out that she won’t protect her dad. 

“When will we carry on our expeditions though? It’s been a while.” Gunther wondered. 

“Things will probably fall in place in a few weeks. Once we get a proper fund, there won’t be an obstacle.” Eld said. 

Despite that they were talking about work, Petra was happy to see them again. She has missed their gatherings and discussions so much. Also, work has managed to pull her out of her thoughts. 

“Oh Petra, I was meant to ask you” Eld said as he sipped off his coffee;” How did you find the Captain last night when you got back?” 

Petra froze in her place. She made sure not to be seen by anyone when she left his office so what was Eld talking about. 

“Moblit san told me he asked for you.” Eld continued. 

“Why would he be any different?” Gunther interfered before Petra could answer, raising an eyebrow at Eld’s question. 

“I was told he had an argument with the commander yesterday.” Eld said in which made his three comrades jump out of place.

It was very unusual to hear that Levi and Erwin had an argument. During all these years of service, neither one of them witnessed it occurring. Everyone knows that Levi trusts Erwin ultimately with his decisions and provides supports to him no matter what. 

“HE DID WHAT?” Gunther was surprised. 

“He was totally normal! I-I mean he was doing some papers he seemed just fine.” She rubbed the back of her neck in confusion. He was so gentle and calm with her yesterday, he didn’t seem mad or out of order. 

“Oi Eld you’re getting old you must have heard it wrong.” Oluo said and Petra smacked the back of his head. Eld was second in lead, respect should still be shown to him. And Oluo being absolutely provoking like he always is, Petra just felt like it. 

“Did you come back stronger or what?” Oluo whined in pain like a child would and everyone laughed. 

“I might ask him today about it if he had time.” Eld finally said, concluding their meeting just to start doing their tasks. 

Petra spent the rest of her day helping Nifa and Hange in equipment’s inventory. They sorted out all of the gears and gas tubes and documented the amount in need for maintenance. Once she finished up the reports, Petra went to check her mail for any messages from her father. He has promised to send daily letters to assure her. Like he promised, she found a letter in her mail which she read and responded to. 

When evening fell and Petra had no other work to do, she made two cups of tea and went to Levi’s office. She knocked the door and got in. 

Levi was sitting behind his desk, placing bunch of papers in front of him. He looked so tired and bored of all this office work Erwin has been giving him. As Petra placed the cups on the table, she sat down on one of the chairs in front of his desk without consent. She felt she was exempted from the ranking limits to some point when they are alone. 

“Heichou, why do you have so much paper work to do recently?” She genuinely asked. Levi would only document expeditions but now he seems to do much more.

“Tch… I bet Erwin gave me all of this shitty work to keep me distracted” Levi complained as he sipped off some tea. 

“Is it true that you had an argument with him?” Petra asked without looking at the captain. He looked so helpless and she was barely holding her laugh. 

Just when he was about to drink off his cup again, he placed the cup back on the table and said;” I guess you got really serious about catching up with what you missed huh?” 

Petra could swear she saw a mini smile forming in the corner of his lips. She said giggling:” Yes Sir I take all of your orders seriously.” 

“Is that so?” Levi said in playful tone while looking at her by the corner of his eyes. 

She felt the air tensing up a bit, she cleared her throat and simply said:” Sure.” 

“Well, he’s just taking extra risks these days. I’m trying to prevent him from getting himself killed.” Levi finally responded to Petra’s question as he was adjusting his seat. 

Now it makes more sense to Petra. If that’s the case then it shall be fine. Levi has always tried to hold back Erwin from committing risky steps. 

“Is that why he tries to keep you distracted?” 

“Yeah. But I heard him and Hange talking about his mindless gambling anyway.” Levi answered carelessly. 

She picked up one of the papers and started looking at it when she mumbled under her breath;” Do you always overhear conversations like that?” 

She thought it wasn’t loud enough for Levi to hear to her comment but in fact, he did hear it loud and clear. When she felt an awkward silence she raised up her face to find him smirking. She blushed and brought her gaze back on the paper. 

A moment later she heard his chair being pushed back to get up. Her heart started beating so fast, wondering what he’s gonna do. 

He walked around the desk and sat on the chair right in front of Petra. She watched him silently, waiting for him to start their conversation. When he sat down, he observed her for a few minutes without saying a word which made her anxious. She wasn’t used to this much of eye contact with him. 

“Petra….” He finally said. 

She gave him her full attention, looking forward to his next words, heart still racing.

“I need you to know that I’m sorry for the way you felt in the last few years.” Levi said with guilty expressions worn on his face. 

“Heichou you d-“ Petra tried to interrupt him. She doesn’t want him to feel like it’s his fault when it’s actually not! 

“No! Listen to me first.” He insisted. 

She nodded her head for him to finish. 

“You don’t have to feel like that anymore.” Levi said softly and took two minutes to say the rest;” Also, stop hiding things from me, would you?” 

If Levi has learnt anything about Petra in the last few weeks, it’s just how sensitive and pure she is about her feelings. He wanted her to share it all with him because he knows very well the pain of not talking. 

“I won’t.” Petra whispered. Her heart was strangely warmed, a feeling she never got to experience until this day. 

Levi let out a heavy breath as he was trying to phrase his forthcoming words; “Know by heart that you’re not condemned to do anything that makes you uncomfortable just because I’m your superior.” 

“In fact, you can draw the limits as you wish I won’t interfere.” He instantly explained. 

Although Levi wasn’t the best in relationships, he was able to notice the gap that their ranks have created in this relationship. He was frightened that Petra would feel like she was taken advantage of at any point. He wanted to make it plain and clear that she’s the one in control as long as they are off sight. 

After listening to what Levi has said, Petra was thinking how rightful it was falling in love with this man. She was able to grasp out his fears about exploiting her due to the nature of their jobs, however, she never thought of it this way. She thinks that what creates this gap between them is Levi himself rather than military ranks. She recognized the depth of this aspect so decided not to respond with more than a ‘thank you’, hoping that her actions in the future will put these thoughts of his into rest. 

Since Levi was a little bit struggling to carry on this conversation on his own, Petra intervened with something she really wanted to let him know of;”Heichou. Now that you’re trusting me into addressing the limits… I hope you know that I will not break the professionality or your trust. I will be aware of my place and duties as usual.”

Since he was dealing with the topic rationally, Petra thought he deserves to be reassured that this relationship won’t cause them troubles in their work. She was deeply grateful for the way he entrusted her and wouldn’t make him regret it at any cost. 

“I know.” 

“Should I move the papers there? It will be easier to work on them.” Petra asked pointing on the small table in front of the couch she slept on yesterday. 

She wanted to change the subject to get Levi out of his stressful mood that this conversation has caused. 

“Yes! It would be great to get them done tonight.” He was grateful she did. He got up and moved the papers in the same sequence to the small table and sat down on the sofa waiting for Petra. She followed him holding the cups which she placed down before sitting next to Levi. 

She sat so close to him. Their knees and elbows were touching, leaving a hot sensation on Levi’s body with every touch and giving Petra butterflies in the stomach. 

“How is your arm doing?” Petra asked as she examined the paper. 

“You did a great job stitching it up.” Levi said pretending to examine the papers closely. 

“I’ve missed you.” She let him know in between their work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I really hope you're feeling well about this one T^T 
> 
> I actually want to highlight an important thing. In case you haven't noticed, I always try to keep the relationship between Levi and Petra as pure and sensual as possible, because I've always viewed Rivetra that way. Probably one of the reasons why they are my OTP. I feel like they differ from the oversexualized relationships that we encounter nowadays. I will probably keep it going that way in this book and I would be grateful if you don't mind it. 
> 
> p.s; My first exams are soon to start so I don't know when will I update again but I will do my best. 
> 
> Until next time<3


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